Roommate Hook-ups & the Deal with Dental Dams
THE LOWDOWN ON THE GET DOWN WITH CARLI COOPER
By Carli Cooper
I hooked up with my roommate after our sorority mixer last weekend, and it’s been pretty fucking awkward ever since. What now?
As the lines of sexual orientation become increasingly blurred, the girl-hookup is increasingly more common. The saying goes, there’s a time and place for everything—and it’s called college. According to the clause in your sexuality that allows for unexpected make-out sessions while intoxicated, you’re in the clear. From bestiality to grand theft, drunken debauchery doesn’t count, so don’t flatter yourself, honey. Your “crazy night” wasn’t that crazy, at least not by Syracuse standards.
If you’re legitimately concerned, take a look at yourself. Do you aspire to be the next Ellen (or to date her)? Anyone who’s seen an episode of MTV’s Skins knows lesbianism can occur in the most unexpected places—dark stairwells, dimly lit alleys, even closets—and shock you into realizing you might like girls. So before clearing the air with the roommate, assess your own sexuality to see if this was a drunken mistake or a deep-rooted new you.
Sit your roommate down—far enough that you can’t pounce on her, you horny bitch—and say, “Last weekend was pretty crazy. I just wanted to say that you’re awesome, a really cool roommate, and we should probably move past it and stay friends.” Unless you’re still having urges to fuck her. In which case, chow down, babe.
I’ve been around the block, but there’s one thing I still don’t understand: what the fuck is a dental dam?
Safe sex tablers in Schine: rejoice. A dental dam is a little device to protect yourself from obtaining anything unsavory when you decide to mosey downtown. A very smart man realized how these rectangular sheets of latex, originally used in oral surgeries like root canals, could be useful in the bedroom.
To use, stretch the plastic over whatever area requires oral satisfaction and get busy with your now-protected tongue. They come in a variety of festive flavors, so you can distract his tongue with strawberry while keeping it safe. An easier option is to MacGyver a homemade DD out of an everyday condom. Horizontally cut down the length of the condom to the reservoir tip and unroll until you find yourself with a rectangular sheet of latex.
Some people argue whether the sensation is as titillating. But if you’re skeptical about someone’s cleanliness, it’s important that you don’t risk your own health for your partner’s orgasm. A garbage bag doesn’t make trash any cleaner, but at least you don’t get dirty.