Sex Advice from Carli Cooper

Illustration by Tate Chow

Dear Carli,

When I went to type in "YouTube" on my boyfriend's web browser, "YouPorn" automatically came up. Um, what the fuck? Am I right to be mad?

Dear Porn Prowler,

There's nothing better than a dinner prepared just for you by the one you love. But sometimes in a pinch, a bowl of cereal can really hit the spot. I mean, it's not gourmet. It might not have the same spice and flavor, but it definitely stops your stomach from growling. Surely you, the full-course dinner in this scenario, can appreciate the cereal's convenience.

While freaking out from this discovery is normal, porn is completely healthy and shouldn't pose an issue to your relationship. The pervasive nature of porn has only increased its exposure, and though it's not the most attractive habit to stumble upon, it shouldn't threaten your love life. In fact, you could consider this an opportunity to add some excitement to your naked funtime, should you be so daring.

So if it turns out your boyfriend has a strange fetish for girls dressed as Spider-Man, don't immediately freak. It could be worse.YouPorn is tame. A search for "greasy midget dominatrix donkey porn" turns up an astounding number of hits, and if it's there, someone's gotta be watching it. Let's just hope it isn't your man.

Dear Carli,

My girlfriend refuses to have sex during her period. This might sound gross, but I just don't care. How can I convince her I don't mind her crimson tides?

Blame it on society, on Rachel McAdams movies, or on Photoshop—whatever you choose, you should know by now that girls feel pressured to look and act a certain way. Most guys have certain expectations for their girlfriends, and "leaking blood all over their dicks" is not one of them. Just like watching a wife give birth makes a man reluctant to dive back in, we fear that after having sex during shark week we'll be forever seen as unclean.

In the scheme of sexual faux pas, sanguine sex is about as embarrassing as it gets. But you're definitely not the first guy to wanna get down and dirty. If bed sheets straight from a slasher film don't intimidate you, be honest with your girlfriend. Chances are she's tempted but too scared to ask. Hormones go haywire at this time of the month, and, in some cruel twist of fate, most women are hornier than usual.Take advantage of this, and start in the shower where it's generally less messy.

Don't take it personally if she still says no. Just like some guys are too embarrassed to go for it if they're still sweaty from the gym, it's a lot harder to enjoy sex when she can't keep hygiene off her mind.

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