Sex Advice from Carli Cooper

By Carli Cooper | Illustration by Tate Chow

Dear Carli,

I read that average foreplay should last 10 to 15 minutes, which made me realize—my boyfriend and I spend three minutes, on a good day. What’s an easy way to fix this?

Dear It’s A Marathon, Not A Sprint,

Foreplay doesn’t have to be an odyssey. A simple stroll will do wonders in heightening anticipation for your destination.

Believe me, I get it. Sex is wonderful. And in the best movie scenes, it seems like one forceful push against a wall leads to the sexiest moans of pleasure. But that’s the beauty of film—they edit out the legwork and get right to the climax, so to speak.

In reality, foreplay is an integral part of anyone’s sex scene. It’s easy enough to treat foreplay as a chore, an unnecessary step on the path to naughty nirvana. But preparation is par for the course. Implementing the proper caresses, kisses, and grazing touches will greatly intensify your final throes of passion—or the intensity of your orgasm while you’re bumping and grinding.

The biggest key is stimulation, which increases the blood flow to your swimsuit area. Start with tiny, unexpected touches.Take a quiet moment to suggest back massages. Sensual touching gets our hormones going, and by the time your rubdowns are over, you’ll be ready to go. Or try spontaneous kisses.

For simple foreplay, pop an ice cube in your mouth. Once your breath is chilly, dot light kisses all over your partner’s stomach, hips, and thighs. Refuse to go any further until he or she returns the favor. Prolonging the actual event, even just for a few minutes, lets you appreciate the body you fell in lust with.

Dear Carli,

Vaginas are ugly. That’s a fact. But I heard about labial reconstructive surgery, and I’m considering it. I just want a pretty pussy!

Dear Lips Are Sealed,

Nobody is perfect. The same way no one’s hands are the same size, the labia is one of the body's most “free-form” parts.

It’s natural to be a bit self-conscious about your vagina. Our mothers recommend we keep our legs shut, and our fathers would love nothing more than legalizing chastity belts. When every mainstream media outlet is telling you to shave it, wax it, "vajazzle" it, and keep it smelling better than a flower shop, it’s understandable to feel like your vagina is not good enough.

But here's the majora point: it’s not meant to be perfect. No guy has ever complained about a vagina not being cute enough, and I’m sure yours is no exception.

If this pep talk hasn’t quelled your concerns, you can consult an OB-GYN for surgical options. A hit in the porn industry, this move might boost your confidence. Women who have had the surgery say they might enjoy sex more, and feel comfortable with their bodies. But, they also complain about the stitches and the rough nature of the actual procedure—pulling, pinning, and sewing, oh my. Like any surgery, this might have undesirable side effects, including a loss of sensitivity, potential damage to the clitoris, and a definite buzzkill during sex.

That alone would be incentive enough for me not to have the procedure, but your body is your own. If you’ve thought this through and are comfortable risking function for form, then go for it.

Send your sexual conundrums to