Keep Calm and Smoke On


smokingsign BY: Kristin Strong

We follow the rules, bundle ourselves up on even the coldest of nights and find a discrete corner outside to obey the federal regulations that ban us from smoking indoors. We constantly make the walk of shame outside of a restaurant, near the overflowing rancid garbage cans to have a quick smoke. There’s always the fun smart-ass or disgusted twig bitch that sniffs the air and launches into a thinly veiled attempt to choke to death on the fumes. Unfortunately all the Charlie Brown Christmas trees that make up our woods can’t hide us. Neither can the athletic complex. We can still smell you…

However, with the university considering the ban of smoking on campus, it’s time to consider all sides of the argument. If we fight fire with fire, we will only have the dean speeding up the process and leaving us to quit cold turkey. So, if we want to keep our right to take a drag, I suggest we think of some proactive ways to remain on our “best behavior” and consider from every side the proper smoking etiquette.

  1. When smoking, travel in a direct path. Don’t weave around like a drunken freshman girl in heels. That way, the smoke stays in a more isolated area, and those who need to pass us or get around us can do so.
  2. Always blow your smoke up in to the air. This will help you avoid getting it in people’s faces, and from the smell sticking to your clothing.
  3. It may be warmer, but don’t smoke near stairways or doorways. People need to get in and out. They choose not to smoke, so don’t make them smell like they do.
  4. Don’t smoke near children. Ever. Even though this is an obvious suggestion, I still see a lot of people doing it. If a parent chooses to smoke in front of their kids, so be it, but as common courtesy, don’t be that person.
  5. Stub out your cigarettes and put them in an outdoor ashtray if one is close. If you plan on throwing them on the sidewalk, extinguish the butt with your shoe. I’ve gotten holes in the bottoms of my pants from such discarded cigarettes, and no one messes with my clothes.

Stick to these rules and hold on to the hope that we can continue to smoke freely. And quite honestly, if people still have issues with it, just think, at least you aren’t in Russia.

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