The Lowdown On The Get Down With Carli Cooper

By Carli Cooper

Dear Carli,

I’ve seen it in movies, and I want to try it for real: shower sex. But what’s the best way to go about it?

Dear Slippery When Wet,

There’s nothing I love more than clichéd sex positions. Backseat of a car—classic. Your childhood bedroom—so risqué.The shower, however, is a bit harder to navigate. But with the right maneuvers, shower sex can be one of the most intimate and rewarding experiences to share with your partner.

Successful copulation in the shower should earn you a merit badge. Without the proper lubrication or positioning, shower sex can be painful, or even dangerous. But if you’re horny enough—which I know you are—you can do it right.

I know that Jerk beloved readers always practice safe sex. But have you tried using condoms in the shower? It’s a sticky mess. Also, too many assume that shower water is a lubricant, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Lovemaking without a water-based lube hurts both of you, and nothing is more awkward than fumbling while trying to fornicate, except maybe slipping and falling. As far as positioning is concerned, bent over is best. Both of you can firmly grip some part of the shower, making you a lot less likely to wipe out mid-thrust.

That being said, the shower is a novelty. Though immortalized in pornos and chick flicks alike, the shower isn’t the Valhalla of all dirty sex spots. Don’t bang in the bathroom just to be like Shaggy.The steamy setting is a great and intimate place for you to cuddle, and kiss.

I don’t mean to deter your shower shenanigans, but it’s always helpful to put a little planning into your pursuits. Best of luck, and if I see you in Health Services with a bruised head, I’ll know why.

Dear Carli,

So I met this guy at Chuck’s. Handsome, professional, and super smart. The only issue is, he’s 36. Do you think I’m crazy for pursuing this?

Dear Daddy Issues,

It's true than an older man is undeniably sexy. He has a job, he can do things more impressive than crushing a beer can on his head, and hopefully, he’s mature enough to care about your needs. It usually takes until graduation for guys to get over the novelty of a blowjob. But once they do, they can be much more attentive, both emotionally and sexually.

Believe me, I see the appeal of your sugar daddy. Every girl has that fantasy about meeting a handsome older man who can sweep her off her feet and treat her like a woman.

However, you wouldn’t be writing me if you hadn’t thought about the relationship's potential pitfalls. So you’ve considered the idea that if he’s this old and single, he might be a little desperate for finding someone outside his age group. And you might’ve realized that his pastimes and yours don’t really match up. While you’re blacking out at Chuck's and loving every second of it, he’s trying to sip some good whiskey while watching the game. Perhaps the most frightening con on this growing list: a man his age is probably looking for something a lot more serious than you’re ready for. Do you want to be the baby mama to his children, of which he might already have several?

An experience like this might wind up changing your life. Maybe the thrill was hot and sexy when it began, but this just sounds like some unresolved daddy issues. Enjoy a brief romp with this older guy, but don’t get any delusional ideas of romance. Take it for what it is, and enjoy how hard he works to keep up with you, his hot young girlfriend.

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