The Number Game

By Ivana Monet

Despite the progressive nature of this day and age and our culture’s obsession with sex, it is still very common for people to judge and frown at others, especially women, based on the number of sexual partners they’ve been with. You often hear women question why those with multiple partners are considered "sluts" while men with multiple partners are considered "gods." This has been a recurring question for decades and generations, and despite the several answers that have come up, the question still presents a hot debate and seems to be rooted in gender issues.

After some research and attending an open forum that discussed the issue, I learned a few reasons as to why some men feel that this double standard is correct and okay.

When it comes to discussing this issue, some people fail to realize that men are called sluts and whores too. These two are derogatory terms applied to someone who sleeps around a lot—so, yes, men can be sluts and whores, as well. These still remain powerful insults because having sex is still—seriously—associated with dirtiness, unholiness, and degradation. For some reason, despite modern times with implicit and explicit displays of sex everywhere, our culture still takes on an attitude of shame and disgust when it comes to sexual activity. This is a result of various organized religions and the conservative social structures that stem from them, which have taught us to suppress our desires and almost fear our sexuality. “Guys see girls in a purified way. If you see a beautiful girl and you find out she’s sleeping around it’s just like ‘damn’,” said an anonymous male senior. As a result, we participate in the condemnation of women, and sometimes men, who have multiple sexual partners, who have sex openly, or who aren’t afraid to announce that they enjoy having sex. To expel ourselves of our own sexual shame we call others sluts and whores which in turn destroys their reputations. But have you ever thought that maybe you’re saying this because of the simple fact that they’re doing something you wish you could but you instead hold yourself from?

Something else that everyone needs to realize is that we’re in a day and age where more women are comfortable with being as open as men are with their sexuality and are even comfortable with asking men out. If you want to sleep around a lot, then by all means go ahead—and if that makes you a god then it should make women who want to sleep around a lot gods, too. Or if that doesn’t work, then both of you should be considered sluts, which is an option I personally don’t prefer. It’s not as easy for women to score as men would like to believe, especially if they are looking for more than sex. But those who aren’t shouldn’t be called sluts for doing the exact same thing men are unless men are calling themselves the same.

So all in all, for men or women, having sex doesn’t make you a slut or whore. As long as you can admit to having multiple sexual partners, and you’re not betraying anybody by sleeping with people you know damn well you shouldn’t be, then have all the sex you want. People have sex. People have sex outside of relationships and marriage. People have sex with multiple partners. People have sex with one person. Some people don’t have sex at all. It’s all acceptable. Don’t judge or scorn others for their choice. Let people open their legs and be free or let them close their legs and be chaste.