Why You Can’t Orgasm and What To Do About It


Design by Jena Salvatore As a lady, some things are just so much harder. In addition to the struggle to gain wage equality, we also are having a harder time gaining orgasm equality. Men can just pump away at your thigh crease, nowhere near your pleasure center, and still get off, but for us, it takes much more work. Proper settings, techniques, and positions need to be put in place.

An advantage for the vagina-touting side, on the other hand, is that women do have the ability to have multiple orgasms, whereas men don’t. However, actually getting there can be incredibly difficult and frustrating. You start to wonder if you’re the problem, if you’re even attracted to the person, and so on and so forth.

According to Planned Parenthood, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching an orgasm while having sex. To top this off, as many as 80% of women have difficulty reaching orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. This means that only 20% of women, actual superstars, have no difficulty whatsoever achieving orgasm through vaginal sex.

In order to fall into that 1/5 of supernatural deities that have no issues orgasming during sex, we at Jerk have asked some lucky ladies to give us the scoop on techniques that actually work to achieve the Big O.

Tip #1: Try Oral

If you’re finding that it’s really hard to orgasm during sex, you’re not alone. Samantha, 21, tells us, “I literally couldn’t orgasm for like a year until he went down on me for 10 minutes. Now I orgasm every time.” Even if you still can’t orgasm during vaginal sex, the chance is way more likely that you will if you get someone that knows how to go down on you.

Tip #2: Hit the Clit

Maddie, 20, tells us, “I can only ever cum if the guy is either fingering my clit a lot during sex, or licking it while going down on me.” Once again, oral sex is a big winner in terms of reaching orgasm. The clitoris is the most sensitive part of the vagina, and when it comes to achieving orgasm, it is absolutely vital. Going off that, the best way to maximize your chances of orgasm are if they cover both areas—clit and vagina.

Tip #3: Cover All Your Bases

“The quickest way for me to orgasm is if they go down on me and lick my clit while fingering my vagina,” says Megan, age 21. Having your special someone hit both places at once with different techniques ups the anti, and ups the likelihood that you’ll orgasm much quicker, as well as more full-bodied. Look for guys that are good at multi-tasking for this one.

Tip #4: Girl on Top

Allie, 20, says, “The best position hands down is me on top. It feels so much better and just makes me feel like a powerful goddess or Khaleesi or some shit.” She has a point. When the girl goes on top, her clitoris is at a much better angle to be rubbed by the guy’s penis, resulting in much stronger stimulation and a much better chance of orgasming.

Tip #5: Try Doggy

Doggy style (aside from the terrible name that brings memories of your beloved childhood pet to mind) is one of the best positions for getting a mind-blowing *peak* out of your night. Sara, 22, says, “Doggy is great because it’s really deep, and something about the angle just makes me go crazy.” If you want to try it out, get on all fours and have the guy go from behind. Make sure he actually inserts it in your vagina and doesn’t try to pull any ass play on you (unless you’re into that), and let the games begin. Doggy, like the Girl on Top position, stimulates your clit at a much better angle than missionary and results in you achieving a euphoric sensation.

Tip #6 Spoon It Out

Similar to Doggy, the Spooning position for sex is incredibly sensual, as well as insanely hot. “The spooning sex position is so hot because it’s really intimate, he can finger your clit while he’s inside you, and I orgasm every time.” The spooning sex position is just what it sounds like; he spoons you from behind and inserts it in your vagina. This gives him access to your clit, which he can finger if he wants you to scream from pleasure, as well as deep penetration of your vagina, so it’s a double whammy.

Tip #7: Turn the Lights Off

There’s something sexy about the darkness. The dark also makes you less aware and self-conscious of your flaws, which gets you out of your head during sex. If you’re too much inside your head because you’re thinking about the way your thighs look under the light, it’s going to be a lot harder to orgasm. If you still want to see one another, get some mood lighting going. Setting is a huge component in terms of what will get you off.

Tip #8: Good Vibrations

If just a penis alone isn’t doing it for you, try incorporating a vibrator in the mix. The guy can stimulate your clit with the vibrator while going down on you, or insert it in you while licking your clit. It can also be used during sex if he stimulates your clit while you’re on top with it, or spooning. Essentially, with any of the previous tips, you can incorporate a vibrator into it, and it will spice things up for sure. Vibrators were invented because sometimes a penis just isn’t enough. Sorry guys.

Orgasming is no small feat for us ladies. However, it is possible, and once it happens, you will feel on top of the world. Just remember not to sweat it if it’s not happening for you—it’s completely normal and very common. Just follow some of these tips, and we’re sure you’ll get a little more pleasure and a whole lot more orgasm.