19 Signs You Live in a Sorority House


Design by Brittany Isdith People have pretty twisted ideas about what it’s like to live in a sorority house (courtesy of Elle Woods). Spoiler alert: it’s literally the opposite of her experience living in Delta Nu. There’s a lot less glitter and a lot more farting, because few sane people actually like crafting and girls are low-key disgusting. Here are 19 definite signs you live in a brothel sorority house.

  1. Privacy is something you can only find in the dictionary. You think you can just shut your door and be alone? That’s cute.
  1. Avocados are the equivalent of gold. Bitches love their amino acids.
  1. You have thirty closets. For the first time ever, you don’t have “nothing to wear."
  1. Half your stuff is missing. Your crop top, your lipstick, your favorite heels. You don’t even ask for anything back because you’ve lost track of who borrowed what.
  1. Everyone knows about your online shopping addiction. *Four Amazon Prime packages arrive for Amanda in one day.* Is it time for an intervention?
  1. There’s never anything clean to drink out of on the weekends. Prepare to get very creative with liquid receptacles from Thursday through Sunday. You can’t even be mad that there are no clean cups in the kitchen, because you’re hoarding 17 of them in your own room.
  1. It’s so easy to find someone to order food with. Take that, A La Mode $15 delivery minimum.
  1. Laundry is a nightmare. You fold other people’s clothes more than your own. But it’s worth it for the times you find your stuff magically stacked in a perfect pile on top of the dryer.
  1. Drunk eating is taken to a whole new level. When it’s 2 a.m. and you open the fridge to find a container of mac n’ cheese intended to feed 30 people, all bets are off.
  1. There’s always someone to go out with. From flip night to senior Sunday’s, you can count on having a drinking partner every day of the week.
  1. You know which guy everyone is banging. The sly ones sneak out before 8 a.m. The ballsy ones stay for brunch.
  1. You’re 21 years old and still have to hide your alcohol in your closet. #TBT to freshman year.
  1. The chef is your best friend. He's the one who buys the snacks and you ain’t no fool.
  1. You’re involved in an excessively large group chat. It was less than two days before you took advantage of the handy “mute conversation” feature.
  1. Motivation and validation are just a conversation away. If you need inspiration to go to the gym, someone will tell you to get off your ass. If you need support for your 16-hour Netflix binge, someone will tell you that you deserve some R&R.
  1. There are no secrets. “Don’t tell anyone, but…” *news spreads across the entire third floor within six minutes*
  1. Watching TV in silence is a fictional concept. No. One. Stops. Talking. Unless American Horror Story is on—people take that shit way too seriously.
  1. You forget how to cook. But you’re a professional at gourmet microwave meals.
  1. There are endless meetings. Kathy is breathing too loud? Amy keeps forgetting to take out the trash? Michelle ate the entire tub of communal hummus in one night? Better call a house meeting.