Pretty Like You, Not Pretty Like Her

Graphic by Kelly Kringen

For half of my high school sophomore year, I resembled something along the lines of an Oompa Loompa. Yes. A bright orange walking, talking Trump look-alike.

This strange fixation about my skin tone resulted in a lot of insecurity, which I realize in retrospect was silly. It hurts my heart to look back at the times I would cancel plans or decline invitations because my fair skin was not caked in self tanner. But growing to love the aspects of your appearance or character you once resented builds a different kind of confidence, one rooted in embracing your natural state.

I was hesitant to write about, or even discuss, my journey to feeling comfortable in my own skin. Acknowledging my white privilege and being sickened by the systemic inequalities in America today, in no way would I claim that my feelings of personal discomfort were a major issue. I only hope to get the message across about beauty standards, conformity, and confidence.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that while the sun brought others tan lines and a dewy glow, it gave me the gift of an excruciating burn and blotchy freckles. Throughout my childhood years, this didn’t bother me much. That was just the way my body worked.

But as the years passed and social circles grew, early adolescence brought with it a wave of physical comparison and hyper-awareness of what was desirable... and what wasn’t. My friends loved to tan, and I observed that the comment, “You look so tan,” was always met with a, “Thank you!” 

This observation led to a destructive mentality: If looking the opposite as I do is considered a compliment, does that mean that looking the way that I do is a bad thing? 

There were countless logical fallacies with that mindset, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was conforming to this desired look, bleaching my brunette hair brassy, and coating my porcelain skin orange. 

While reflecting on these times makes me cringe, I also feel an odd  sense of compassion for my past self. No matter the characteristic, if something you lack is considered “trendy”, society inflicted self-doubt is understandable. Be it a height, a nose, a hair texture, the majority of insecurities are direct results of comparing oneself to a constantly changing standard that - let’s face it - is centered around a Western style of beauty that is just unattainable.

I forced myself to ditch the toxic mindset that only led to a false, fleeting sense of self-confidence. After looking the way I felt as if I was supposed to look, I felt nothing like myself. Maybe now I was pretty like her, but what happened to being pretty like me? By embracing and unapologetically owning my most natural state, I gained the individualism and uniqueness I had previously lost. 

The self-tanner and Sun-In found a new home at the bottom of my trash can. After going back to brunette and taking up exercise for the way it made me feel rather than the way it made me look, it is remarkable how everything else fell into place. 

I guess that’s the way it works. The endless attempts to resemble someone else is almost like “shape-shifting.” How can you feel comfortable in your own skin as a shape-shifter? Constantly attempting to be someone you are not? The simple answer is you can’t.

As for advice, identify the element of your natural state you dislike and examine where this resentment comes from. Stop trying to hide it, fake a love for it, and gain an appreciation for the fact that it makes you memorable. Identify the elements of your natural state that you love, and then figure out ways to enhance and accentuate! 

Own the freckles; use a liner that makes your eyes pop. Own the curls; research ways to dress that flatter your body type. You don’t need to look like anyone other than yourself! Naturally based, authentically formed, self-made confidence exudes a different type of light. A different kind of pretty - pretty like you.