How To Identify Other WLWs At SU

Graphic by Ande Wittenmeier

Disclaimer: I’d like to say that I can’t speak on every wlw’s experience at SU, and I’m not trying to speak for anyone except myself and what I’ve experienced.

Let’s be honest– dating is basically obsolete in college nowadays. Everyone has sneaky links, situationships, and everything in between–except for a dedicated relationship. I don’t mean to generalize that every college student refuses to be in a relationship, but it’s not the norm.

Dating culture has transformed into hookup culture, especially at Syracuse University. Hookups are found through drunken nights at frat parties or meaningless swipes on Tinder. That’s the general perspective, right? Although this is the reality for many students, it leaves out the experiences of many LGBTQ+ students, specifically amongst women-loving women or wlw. 

People of all sexualities hook up; that’s normal at a party school like Syracuse. However, it has become a trend amongst women, specifically straight women, to hook up with other women to gain male attention. I have seen countless women only interested in men who will make out with their other female friends at fraternity parties or events. Some don’t see an issue with this, that it’s a way for two (inebriated) friends to show their affection for one another. 

But what may seem like a playful moment is really problematic, like really problematic. The implication behind meaningless kisses is that when two women kiss, it has to be for a man’s attention. It’s seen as a joke, a mere party trick that completely degrades the wlw community. 

So, if girls kissing girls is implied as a joke, how will wlw know if one is genuinely taking an interest in them or doing it for attention? Is this a meaningless hookup in a dirty frat basement, or is she actually attracted to me? Typically, the answer lies in dress, but that is becoming less and less of the case.

The days of cuffed jeans and belted carabiners as an identifier for wlw are long gone; this is how most female SU students dress. How do wlw students now dress to explicitly signify to others that they aren’t heterosexual? Specifically, how do wlw students identify each other when they present as “femme?”

When I think of a wlw, my mind goes straight to the “two spectrums” of presenting as a “femme” or as a “masc.” A femme is how a stereotypical girl would dress, wearing feminine clothing and presenting herself as such. A masc is someone who dresses in stereotypical menswear. In recent years, the typical dress that identifies a wlw is long-gone. Many of these identifiers have been incorporated into everyone’s daily clothing, not just members of the LGBTQ+ community. 

There is a preconceived notion that most of those involved in Greek Life are heterosexual, and there’s a pressure to identify as such. Sororities and fraternities only mix with each other, date nights emphasize finding a boy as your date, and the list goes on and on. So, when one is proudly wearing their letters and involved in their chapter, there’s an immediate assumption that this person is straight, leaving wlw members of Greek life ignored.

Also, what if the typical “straight” dress is how some wlw feel most comfortable? They shouldn’t have to go out of their way to dress that aligns with their sexuality. Personally, I look as straight as can be. You’ll catch me on the quad donning my sorority hoodie, flare leggings, air force ones, and gold hoops. I don’t want to change how I dress or what makes me comfortable to attract a romantic partner.

Because there are fewer clothing signifiers for wlw, many of them (including myself) are restricted to dating apps that cultivate meaningless hookups. This happens in real life, too, especially during Greek Life mixers. I’ve seen countless times girls make out with each other on the sweaty dance floor, anticipating cheers from the surrounding fraternity brothers. I’ve hooked up with a handful of women at events, but I knew in the back of my head that it meant nothing to the other girl because of how prevalent hookup culture is.

Although SU is a generally inclusive campus, there is such rampant homophobia that two girls kissing is considered to be a one-off thing, and anything more serious is frowned upon, whether or not it’s said outright. How can we find a way to identify with each other without meeting up on dating apps? How can students at SU destigmatize wlw relationships without seeking male attention? I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I think this issue needs to be brought to light.