THE PROTEIN SNACK DOMINATION
Illustration by Karl Lamb Jr.
On a busy Tuesday afternoon, you decide to go into Schine to grab a snack. Realizing you have no time to actually eat, you pay $5 for a Core Power chocolate protein shake that will hopefully hold you over for your next two classes.
As you get in line to pay, the bulky athlete in front of you pays for not one, not two, but four Core Power chocolate protein shakes—which have about 42 grams of protein each—mansplaining to the cashier that he needs to drink all of them to “hit his macros” for the day. You think to yourself: ‘Wouldn’t it just be easier to eat a full meal?’
Each trip to the grocery store, we encounter a new snack that somehow has 20 grams of protein. These snacks—popcorn, potato chips, even cereal—are typically protein-less. Your first thought that comes to mind might be: “Wow! My favorite snack now has protein in it, so I can feel less guilty eating it. Hooray!” But what’s really in these snacks that suddenly gives them so much protein?
You guessed it! Milk protein isolate—yummy dry dust. Exactly what you’re craving, right?
Once the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recognized milk protein isolate as a safe ingredient in 2012, there was no turning back. Mac and cheese, Uncrustables—nothing is safe anymore. As all these protein snacks become more popular, it is more evident that our society prefers to get its protein from a powder instead of something real, like chicken, steak or tofu. Terrifying, I know.
These snacks are advertised as convenient and healthy, but they’re honestly just making us more hungry. Eating these little protein bites might make you feel like you’re Bella Hadid, but there are dangerous long-term effects. If we swap out a real, hearty meal for chocolate milk with a scoop of powder, our bodies get an influx of protein chemicals instead of real protein. Delish.
A change in diet like this can also cause an emotional imbalance. If we can’t eat normal Annie’s Mac and Cheese without feeling guilty for not buying Goodles—maybe we just don’t want to support Gal Gadot, jeez—then our mental health is at stake.
And, let’s be real: some of us just don’t want to eat this crap. Some of us want to eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup without a scoop of protein in it. Half of these snacks just taste grainy and powdery—I wanted a potato chip, not a chunk of drywall, thank you. Why can’t we bring back regular popcorn without the chemicals? Yes, Khloé Kardashian, I’m talking to you.
It’s good to support scientific breakthroughs, but not at the price of normal Uncrustables. A message to PepsiCo, Nestlé and other snack conglomerates: stop trying to be trendy and keep your snacks the same.