4 Reasons To Be Grateful You're Average Sized
“His dick was so small, I could barely feel anything!” “What do you call a woman who likes small penises? Hopefully your girlfriend!” And more comments like so. Penises — your man tool, pleasure poker, baby-maker and more recently dubbed "anaconda" — are regularly subjected to “small dick” jokes. It’s a known fact that society associates size with manlihood and that out-of-this-world love-making is dependent on length.
Despite research showing that size does not, in fact, matter, men and women alike still use the ‘ol small dick jabs. The question though is, would you really want that big a dick? Recently, an American teenager actually underwent the world’s first penis reduction surgery. When flaccid, his penis would measure almost seven inches in length and close to 10 inches in circumference! His Hulk-like organ also made it hard for him to have sex or play sports.
With that being said, I think it’s high time to be grateful for what you've got and that sometimes, it’s pretty awesome to be average-sized. Here's why.
1. Skinny jeans savior. From Adam Levine and Zac Efron to the runways of fashion week and hipsters on-campus, skinny jeans are the metrosexual’s go-to garment. Sleek and hella-stylish, this skintight bottom option screams “I’m cool, suave, and in-tune with my sexuality." Dressed up or down, skinny jeans on guys can be very flattering if done right, but the very tight fit could you leave you slightly, ahem, suffocated if you’re on the more well-endowed side. Reason number 1 to be grateful for your God-given girth (and length): the ability to rock skinny jeans and not worry about strangling your man friend.
2. Bury that boner. It’s the middle of the day, you’re sitting in a lecture hall full of people, trying to pay attention to the professor talk about organic chemistry, when your lil' sergeant decides to rise. I’m told that there’s literally nothing more embarrassing or unwarranted as a random boner, and even worse is when you’re in a situation like so and there’s literally nothing you can do tame the beast. Reason number 2 to be grateful for a non-XXL organ: having not-so-obvious boners in public. Cause when you’re five inches flaccid, trust me, the entire class is going to know "what’s up" when you’re up.
3. Zipper-free problems. Ever been in a rush in the morning and as you hurriedly slip on your jeans and zip it, your willy gets in the way? As it is, getting any amount of skin caught in between a zipper hurts like a motherfucker, so I can only imagine how it would be like for a dick *cringe*. While I’ve yet to understand where the rest of a guy’s penis goes as he zips up his pants, reason number 3 to be grateful for a mediocre-sized member is not having to worry (as much) about having any zipper-related problems. Your penis rejoices!
4. Skill, not size matters. As research has shown, and some girls (and guys) can vouch for it, sometimes, size really isn’t everything. It’s kind of like having an AK-47 and not knowing how to shoot it — just cause you have a big toy, doesn’t mean you’re “the man,” as they like to say. Reason number 4 to be thankful for your non-ten-inch tool: “It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean,” as they say. No matter how big (or small) you may be in the dick department, pay more attention to how you use it and to what feels good for your partner.
Penises are great and just like people — they come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Just like your own self, be grateful for what you got, learn to love your love tool, and in turn, it’ll get you tons of loving back too.
Art by Shawna Rabbas