5 Go-to Reactions To The Shittiest Christmas Gifts

jawdropped ‘Tis the season to be jolly no matter what’s under the tree… right? The holidays are a time of cheer, reflection, ignoring your semi-racist great uncle’s remarks, and being thankful for everything. #blessed

Luckily, our families and friends always crush it in the gift-giving department. Oh, wait, no they don’t. But that’s tradition. Every time a teenager cringes at the bubblegum pink tweed slacks they receive from Aunt Bethany, an angel gets their wings. Heinous holiday gifts are as unavoidable as tripping down the Dome steps.

For those moments of pure disgust, here are some typical reactions and how to correct them to keep from offending your beloved (tacky) family members.

  1. Classic Ugly Sweater

Natural Reaction: Smacking your head exasperatedly like the Disney corporation after another one of their child stars decided to express their inner edge. Think Walt Disney watching Miley Cyrus take the Hoedown Throwdown to the next level all over Robin Thicke.

Quick Fix: “Oh, I love it even more than last year’s. I’ll put it on right now.” And never again. Swallow your pride and take a sweet Insta pic. Your relatives will appreciate your “genuine” gratitude and your friends will approve of your ironically hip social media aesthetic.

  1. 30-Pack of Wool Socks

Natural Reaction: Leonardo DiCaprio after not winning an Oscar… again… and again.

Quick Fix: Remember how much these will come in handy when you head back to the tundra and frostbite becomes more common than Bible-pushers on Waverly Ave.

  1. Corduroy Pants and Matching Jacket

Natural Reaction: Every musically inclined person ever’s face after Mariah Carey shamed herself at the 2014 Rockefeller Christmas concert.

Quick Fix: It’s an uncomfortable situation for all parties involved – both mentally and physically – but stay strong. Try to imitate the happy-go-lucky confidence of a person who would actually wear a corduroy pantsuit.

  1. Ridiculously Chunky Jewelry

Natural Reaction: Ariana Grande after Elsa Hosk wing-slapped her at the 2014 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

Quick Fix: “Wow, this will go perfectly with the Betsey Johnson drop earrings you got me for my birthday. Did I mention how Betsey Johnson went to Syracuse? Yeah, she was a cheerleader and…” While you dazzle your family with tales of famous SU alumni, slowly sneak over to the fireplace and set that necklace ablaze.

  1. Hand-Knitted Scarf, Hat and Gloves

Natural Reaction: Your parents’ faces each time you brought home a handmade macaroni and glitter paste present from pre-K to middle school.

Quick Fix: “How thoughtful! These look just like the ones I wanted from Free People. I can’t wait for the snow to come!” Since you’re already lying, keep the streak going. Convince your siblings that they’re the better grandchildren and that they deserve GramGram’s handknit mittens more than you.

Should you lose control of your face at the sight of these truly redundant gifts, blame it on the eggnog. Ain’t no stank face like an eggnog stank face.