9 Ways to Know If He Actually Really Likes You

Us gals all have one thing in common — we’re bat shit crazy when it comes to relationships.

The nature of a typical college relationship very much resembles how the average person might attempt to run a marathon. At first, things are always lookin’ up. The sun is shining, the tank is clean (if you didn’t get that Finding Nemo reference, you should just stop reading), you put one foot in front of the other, and you're off to a strong start.

Unfortunately, about 1.3 miles in you see a hill the size of Mount Everest ahead. Your legs are like “LOL fuck this,” and your body starts convulsing uncontrollably. Then, in a state of utter confusion and life threatening dehydration, you decide you might need to rethink this whole “marathon thing.”

Most of us are too familiar with the uneasy and possibly nauseating feeling that quickly accompanies a new college relationship. We convince ourselves that our newfound love must be too good to be true, and naturally, our brains accumulate all the potential reasons that our Romeo hasn’t poisoned himself yet.

Maybe he’s dating you because your dad owns Cheerios. Or maybe the perfume you use reminds him of his dead Grandma and he’s just not ready to let go yet. No, he’s definitely keeping you around so he has a date to his formal next weekend and doesn’t have to go with the girl in his math class that looks like Sarah Jessica Parker. Scratch that — it’s because you laugh at his “jokes” and he’s obviously insecure. Aw, it’s so cute when guys are insecure... not.

Here are nine easy, do-it-at-home ways you can find out for sure if a guy actually likes you.

1. Offer to scratch his back, but only with your toes. If he sticks around, you know you’re the one.

2. Ask him what kind of curtains he’d like for your apartment when you move in together after college. Guys love when girls ask that question. If they start sweating profusely and throwing up, they’re super invested in your relationship.

3. Request that he send you a PDF of his class schedule via email so you know exactly where he is at all times. If he complies, he likes you. Then again, if he complies, he’s got severe mental problems and you make want to take that into consideration.

4. Only play James Blunt when he’s around. If he doesn’t jump out a window after 45 minutes, that’s pretty scary — but the kid definitely likes you.

5. Consume at least 20 asparagus in one sitting and proceed to urinate in his bathroom. If he doesn’t dump you, wow... you must have beer flavored nipples or something.

6. Ask him to swing by CVS and grab a box of Tampax Super Plus tampons. Tell him you don’t have time to go yourself and you’re on the verge of bleeding out.

7. Bake him burnt cookies. If he pretends to like them, you’re in the clear.

8. Tell him you have Daddy problems and wait for him to run.

9. Just be you, I guess. Sometimes that works too.