A Letter To Uber

Illustration by Bianca Drevensek

Dear Uber,

Too many times have I opened your app hoping that drivers have magically appeared on campus.

Too many times have I waited far too long for a cab to take me from Marshall Street to my dorm room.

Too many times have I forgotten something in a cab, and been forced to walk away knowing I'll never seen it again.

But I’ve had enough, Uber. It’s about time you drove yourself to Syracuse.

I mean, hello? We’re 14,000 undergrads strong and that’s just the university. You have a better chance memorizing 100 digits of pi than understanding how parking works here, and the taxi system is unreliable to say the very least. If taxis are Blockbuster, Uber is Netflix and Syracuse University desperately needs to subscribe.

Besides, how many students carry cash on them? Between cards and Venmo there is simply never a reason to. If I checked right now I’d have a totally of three, maybe four, dollars in my wallet. The beauty of Uber is that you don’t need cash. The driver can just charge you on a card while also factoring in the tip, and in the end it'll cost you way much than a cab. Plus, you can split the cost between your friends with the app. As a broke college student, owing money stresses me out and having people owe me money stresses me out even more. Basically I live in a state of constant stess… but, having Uber on campus would benefit just about everybody, and probably make me live longer too.

Don’t even get me started on the cold. Sure, the weather on campus during the first few weeks is relatively painless. I don’t mind walking from my dorm to a pregame to a frat to Calios to afterhours and then home. But the second the wind chill drops to the negatives, going out at night basically becomes the March of the Penguins. Taking a cab to the party feels kind of (really) stupid and is simply more money than I’m willing (or able) to spend. But an Uber? Honestly I’d roll up to class in an Uber.

If none of these reasons have you convinced, take a look at how uncool these iconic rap lyrics become if you replace Uber references with Syracuse Taxi references.

“Bout to call your ass a Blue Star Taxi, I got somewhere to be.” – Not Drake

“Scuba in my shower, take a CNY Green Taxi to my neighbors.” –Not Chance the Rapper

“Riding down the street, I hit the switch if I’m too drunk. Call a Suburban Taxi for the night, your broad with me.” –Not Wiz Khalifa

This is more than a suggestion... it's a desperate cry for help. Come on Uber, help us. We're poor.