Don’t Leave It To Bieber

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Photo Courtesy of Justin Bieber

There are three simple rules when it comes to posting photos or videos to Instagram.

  1. Make sure all the basics are covered (for the likes, of course).
  2. Have some solid lighting and a nice angle (gotta hide that double chin).
  3. Choose a dope filter.

And then there’s the golden rule… don’t look like a jackass.

I'm guessing Justin Bieber didn’t get the memo when he posted a cringe worthy video to his millions of followers of him supposedly shotgunning a beer and epically failing. When I saw the video, I immediately had so many questions. Like, does Justin Bieber even frat? I was under the impression that drinking beer was an obvious requirement to be the King of the Douches. More importantly... why is he shotgunning a Corona Extra and why is he wearing that outfit to that pool party?



If you don’t want to embarrass yourself like Justin, follow these tips to become a shotgunning pro:

  1. Natty light and Keystone are your new best friends – light, shitty beers go down easier. Corona Extra’s are a lot to take down. If you’re trying to be classy then a Bud Light would suffice.
  2. Don’t just sip your beer, chug it as if your life depended on it. It is a competition for god sakes. Remember, these people you are shotgunning against are no longer your friends, they are your enemies. Chug thug that beer down and show no mercy.
  3. While shotgunning, keep your beer up at a precise 45-degree angle. This will allow the beer to flow smoothly into your mouth and not on the shoes of the person standing next to you. Formal PSA – I’m so sorry to every person’s shoes I have ruined with my beer.
  4. The darker the room, the better. If people can’t see you, no one can see you mess up. If you’re half way done with your beer and feel like you’re going to yak, you can throw it to the ground and no one will know that you didn’t finish. Genius, I know.
  5. It is important when your finished shotgunning to let everyone know you are finished. Throw the empty beer can to the ground as hard as you can and let out a celebratory yell. After all, you did just chug 12 ounces of liquid without throwing up, that’s an accomplishment you can put on your resume.
  6. If you have to throw up after, casually walk to the nearest garbage or bush. Let's be honest, it can't always be avoided and it happens to the best of us.
  7. Don’t show any weakness in your face when you’re done shotgunning. Yes, it burns but you can’t show your competition any pain. #gameface
  8. When you’re done shotgunning, always burp. Burping will make you feel a hundred times better almost immediately. It relieves the pressure from the carbonation and helps you recover quicker so you can drink another beer without vomiting… important.
  9. Practice makes perfect – after all, these are the things we go to college to learn and not biochemistry or the Pythagorean theorem.

In light of the current tailgating season, I sincerely hope this helps a number of my Syracuse peers. Here's to making SU a better place… to shotgun a beer.


CultureAbby HewelComment