All Hallows’ Adam and Eve… and You
All Hallows’ Eve, a night of mischief, madness, and sloppy hookups, is upon us. Besides the buckets of blood and gore, Halloween is for lovers. It’s true. It’s basically Valentine’s Day, but with more murder. Couples everywhere parade around as scantily clad doctors and nurses, inspiring envy at each spooktacular party on campus. If showing too much skin with your S.O. (Significant Other) isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
Romance and commercialism may be at an all-time high, but what about all the single ladies and fellas out there? Even though your phone keeps mentioning hot singles in your area, you might not snag one before Halloweekend commences. It’s devastating going solo on Halloween if all you’ve ever dreamed of is being the Wilma to someone’s Fred Flintstone. Sure, there are group costumes and ideas you can pull off with friends, but who wants to be on the prowl for a Halloween hookup as one of the Troll Dolls?
True Halloween devotees get creative. If you have every line of Hocus Pocus memorized and candy corn clogs your arteries more than Calio’s, you aren’t about to let the itty bitty problem of not necessarily having an S.O. get in the way of perfecting your own version of a cliché couple’s costume.
For all you lonely creeps and ghouls– because Halloween, not because you’re creepy or ghoulish and that’s why you’re single…– hopefully these coupleless-couple’s costume ideas will inspire you to do the unexpected to the fullest. Or download Tinder.
- Hilary and Bill Clinton
One’s a former president. One’s a future president (at least, that’s what she keeps telling herself). Want to be the most patriotic pair rolled into one? Easy. Throw on a pantsuit, give the thumbs up like you just saw Monica, and carry around some fine china plates. Nailed it.
- PB & J
Although this costume typically calls for two individuals wearing giant jars labeled “Skippy” and “Jam,” you are an independent sandwich who doesn’t need a man. Feeling frisky? Literally spread peanut butter and jelly on your body with only bread covering your privates. It sure is a killer conversation starter. Or dress in all black and carry an actual PB & J sandwich around with you. You can play both roles all by yourself and snack after a long night of dancing on your own.
- Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy
Perhaps the greatest love story of all time, Kermit and Miss Piggy– plus everyone’s #relationshipgoals. What better way to celebrate the classic couples’ costume than doing it alone? Grab a feather boa, pink tutu, and a frog. This frog can be rubber or stuffed from Toys ‘R Us, but a true Halloweenie shoots for golden authenticity. I’m talking living, breathing, hopping authenticity. I hear pets are great substitutes for human interaction.
- Sully and Boo from Monsters, Inc.
Don’t have a 6’4’’ beau to be the lovably furry monster? No problem. Work some pigtails and a pink dress, but here’s the catch: Don’t shave for at least two weeks. No shave November’s comes a lot earlier if and when you want to pull off the bison look. Once Halloween hits, dye your entire body blue, and voila, a Sully-Boo mash-up.
- Kanye West and Kim Kardashian
How can we talk about couples’ costumes without mentioning Kimye? You’re almost done reading this article, and I’mma let you finish. But a one-person version of Kimye may be the greatest coupleless-couple’s costume of all time. At least that’s what you’ll tell all of your friends as you parade around in a black garbage bag, fully equipped with a faux-booty and champagne glass. Be sure to interrupt everyone before they can finish their remarks on your getup and occasionally spit mad fire.
Best of luck on your Halloween costume endeavors this year. Pulling off a couples’ costume without a partner is tricky, but doing it all by yourself is such a treat.