Beer, Bongs and Schlongs: Sex Positions for Mayfest

By Kelsie Testa

To set the tone for your Mayfestivities, grab your partner, some cold brews, and take a beer shower together. Then, once you’ve reached your destination of choice, try some of these sex moves when beer pong gets old or the keg runs out.

The Rooftop Rumble | What better way to overlook and fully appreciate the beer-saturated masses on Euclid than by having sex on a roof? When it’s time to bust, grab that super-long beer funnel and surprise someone at the other end.

The Euclid v. Walnut | Sex is no fun if you don’t play around first. Wrestle to see who gets to be on top. The winner gets to dominate the other in whatever way he or she sees fit.

The One-Afternoon Stand | This one is aptly named for the 2 p.m. hookup between strangers on Euclid. Put a Keystone box on his or her head to make it more festive and less memorable, and try to avoid positions that involve eye contact. This probably just leaves you with variations on doggie-style, but hey, that’s not a bad thing.

The SA & M | For those lucky ladies who can land two men at one time, there’s nothing like a good MMF threesome (for a FFM situation, you should try this style). There’s always the classic hardcore-porno double penetration. The girl lies down on her back while the men take turns caressing and playing with her. Men, although not a conventional element of the MMF ménage-a-trois, feel free to get a little frisky with each other, too.

The “I went to Cuse, and the Dome was great!” | In the Kama Sutra, oral sex is referred to as “sucking the mango.” Here in the land of the Orange, we simply call it Dome. A great tip to take your blowjob quality from Natty Light to Sam Adams Summer Ale is to focus on the head – particularly on the meatus, or the hole at the top of his penis. Apply light to medium pressure with your tongue. Since it’s such a specific place, he probably doesn’t even know that it’s a feel-good zone. And for the men, don’t be afraid to suck on her clit.

The Keg Stand | Steal an empty keg, find someplace private, and use it to your advantage. Bend your partner over and have him/her brace him/herself against it. Then go at it from behind. Alternatively, use it as a stool and straddle your partner; the cold metal will feel good against your hot, sweaty bodies. Better yet, find one that’s still full and take turns drinking from the tap as you get it on.

The Open Container Violation | Uh…this is what it’s called if you don’t penetrate or get penetrated on Mayfest.

So go forth, get wasted, and tell us your best sex stories in the comments section below.