Death Before Decaf: An Ode to Coffee


Coffee_MAIN A study that came out in February says that not only is it okay to drink five cups of coffee everyday, but that drinking those five cups has health benefits, like preventing heart disease and diabetes.

This study only proves what we already know: coffee is a gift to humanity, particularly to college students. Even the kids who didn’t like coffee before college will end up being coffee lovers by graduation. Who even were we before we started drinking coffee?

Here are 7 reasons we are grateful as fuck for what can only be described as liquid gold:

1. Coffee wakes us up. The smell of coffee alone is said to reduce the affects of sleep deprivation, so it’s no wonder America runs on Dunkin. Along with headphones, a scarf, and your grumpiest bitch-face, coffee is a must-have on the way to morning classes. The magic of coffee is in the caffeine, which is the chemical responsible for pulling us out of our Netflix-induced daze, and makes us halfway functional humans again – keyword being halfway. Coffee is the key to getting us pumped for the day and ready to kick ass in class, or at least not pass out on our desks.

2. Coffee keeps us up. When exam study sessions or group project members begin to wear you down, making a coffee run helps. Take a deep breath, treat yourself to something warm and nice, and try not to punch anyone in the face. Whoever decided to put Pages Café in Bird Library deserves a shout out. They’re the real MVP.

3. Coffee catches us up. Whether it’s with a class friend from last semester or your ride-or-die from freshman year, meeting up to spill the beans at Recess is always cool. There’s something magical about the busy hum of a coffee house that makes for a good chill session.

4. Coffee glams up your Instagram. Have you seen the posts in the #CafeKubal tag on Instagram? Don’t act like you haven’t spent a good 10 minutes trying to get a decent shot of your latte leaf. Besides, the feed envy will be so real when you post that perfect picture of an oven-kissed croissant, your Macbook, and a serene frothy latte.

5. Coffee tastes delicious. This is a no-brainer. While some people do drink coffee solely for the rush, most people opt for coffee over energy drinks because of coffee’s wonderful taste. It doesn’t matter if you’re picky with your roasts or you tend to stick with caramel macchiatos: We all can agree that coffee is the bomb.

6. Coffee warms us up. It’s true that some of us are still ordering iced coffees when it’s sub-zero degrees outside, but here’s hoping that they’re looking for a remedy against these dry, brutal winds. Hot coffee in this weather is great because if chugged fast enough, it will trick your body into thinking it’s not frozen like everything else, and it doubles as a hand warmer.

7. Coffee gets you a gold card. If you’re lucky, you have seen one of these faithful worshippers at the altar of Starbucks in line in front of you. If you’re even luckier, you are that coffee aficionado that rolls up to your local dealer and whips out that personalized, glittery weapon. When you earn your Starbucks gold card, you aren’t just a basic bitch. You enter a prestigious cult of coffee lovers. Chances are the baristas know your name and can ring you up for “the usual.” Haters can hate all they want, but at least you get rewarded for your coffee fix.

Photo by Adham Elsharkawi