Disney Princess Bikinis Fulfill No One's Fantasy


DISNEY PRINCESSES A company named Enchanted Bikinis recently released a line of bikinis that will make your prince drool—and maybe not in a good way. Channeling six of the most classic Disney princesses, Enchanted Bikinis has managed to make us feel like we might actually be a little too old for the whole “princess” thing. Unless you’re into cosplay…then that’s a whole other story. Most little girls grow up watching princess movies on repeat. Some are in love with Cinderella, others may be team Snow White, but nonetheless a princess–inspired childhood they lived. Now, all grown up, they get to dress like those princess, but in a lot less clothing. Leaving little to the imagination, the bikinis are turning childhood memories into sex symbols for the horny man.

Each bathing suit gives ode in a small way to the princess they’re representing. However, when evaluating practicality with reality, it might be best to stay away from anything princess related for a day of fun in the sun.

The “Sugar Plum Bikini Top” features a corset-like style clearly approved by men and not practical for women. Whoever decided that corsets were a thing needs to die. Although men may for some weird reason find that look sexy, no one who actually likes to breathe wants to go near anything corset related. Once again, the horny man influences a woman’s fashion choice. On top of this fashion faux paux, the colors of the suit look like a baby’s nursery threw up and tried to cover it up by adding a lace trim.












The Belle-inspired bathing suit named “Romantic Bikini” is even more of a disaster than the last. Made in a color that is similar to the timeless yellow of Belle’s dress, the suit synchs and exposes in all the wrong areas. No one likes a camel toe, and yet it seems like this bathing suit was created solely to give you one. To make matters even worse, the bottoms that go along in this “Romantic Bikini” set are synched right down the ass crack. There’s nothing romantic about a wedgie. Just no. I’m sorry Enchanted Bikinis you are not JT and you cannot bring sexy back. At least not with this mess of a swim wear line.


The winner, though, for worst in all the land would have to be the Pocahontas inspired “Golden Rivers” suit. Thinking it would be a good idea to remind the world that Disney basically turned colonization into a love story, this company has hit the ball out of the park on what not to do when designing bikinis for adult women. Just a little hint, maybe try not to replicate the culture appropriation that Disney has already fucked up countless times in the past.

A day at the beach is for fun, sun, and maybe one too many Smirnoff Ices to forget about the heat. No one wants to be reminded of that one time they watched Beauty and the Beast and loved it, and later realized the entire movie is about Stockholm Syndrome. So leave the beauty to the princesses of our childhood, and the bathing suits to the designers that actually know what they’re doing, and go hit up a Comic Con convention. We hear cosplay is all the rage there.