Do I Return the Favor?


10_15_Sexplained At the risk of sounding anti-feminist, returning the favor (while it is not always something a girl looks forward to — especially after a guy’s had 10 vodka Red Bulls) is only fair. Strictly speaking in terms of giving and receiving, reciprocation makes sense because it evens the scale. Returning the favor is not necessary, but it is considerate. The guy just worked his tongue off to rock your world; after all, it’s usually fair you do the same... but, and there’s always a but, every rule carries with it a list of exceptions. Here are just a few of mine:

1. If you’ve already told him in advance that you’re not interested in going south on him. If you warned your man in advance, and firmly stated your lack of interest in returning the favor, and he still takes the time to focus solely on your pleasure, then by all means, lay back and enjoy.

2. If you’re not that into him. If you’re not feeling the heat while in the midst of messing around with a guy, what’s the point in taking the time to prolong the deed? If you’d rather make out with your gay best friend than the guy in front of you, there’s no shame in skipping out.

3. If you’re not ready. Like anything regarding sex, I would never promote the notion of returning the favor to a girl who wasn’t ready. If the time comes for reciprocation and something is missing or off, the potential regret is never worth pushing aside your own integrity.

I think that sometimes us girls (yes, me) have a tendency to assume all boys are lecherous hornballs who’ll take whatever they can get in bed, even if that means putting a girl’s pleasure before their own. But when it comes down to it, I’m willing to bet there are as many guys who don’t like going down on girls as there are girls who don’t like going down on guys.

A lot of girls think they’re doing their guys a favor by letting them get to third base, like in some way it satisfies their stereotypical sexual appetite, but it’s not always better to give than to receive. Especially when what they can receive is as wonderful/earth shattering/mind blowing/thank-god-I-didn’t-have-to-do-this-myself as an orgasm.

There’s always going to be girls who swear up and down that their guy “absolutely loves giving even if they don’t receive” and while I don’t doubt that those men exist, I refuse to believe they are in the majority. And if you’re one of the lucky ladies who have scored those elusive men, give yourself a nice pat on the back (then lay back and enjoy yourself) because you’ve just made every girl jealous. But unless your genitals are made out of chocolate, there’s no excuse to ignore the notion that pleasure is a two-way street. That goes for you too, guys!

If you truly enjoy getting it on with your partner, then when it comes to returning the favor, there’s not much to think about because you should want to turn each other on. Though reciprocity carries some important exceptions, it’s a great way to show each other that you care about the other’s pleasure level. Plus, if you’re both getting some, what’s the downside to heightened levels of pleasure?