Here's Why Counting Calories In College Is A Total Waste Of Time
You’re having a great time, but you stop spitting the lyrics of your favorite Drake song to count the number of calories that were the shot you just took. Come on. Do you even count how many shots you take? If you’re sitting at the pregame with your calorie-counting app trying to figure out how many calories you’ve just consumed, you’re just clearly very sad or not drunk enough yet.
There’s plenty of time in our futures for counting or for hiring someone else to do it for you. Much like this is the one time in our lives that is acceptable to walk home at 8 a.m. on a Friday morning in booty shorts, probably with some animal ears headband in hand. All I'm saying, is it is most definitely suitable to live a little and not count every calorie you consume.
The colder the school, the bigger the sweaters.
Count all the calories you want, but at the end of the day you’re still wearing 3-5 layers of fat and fabric to keep warm. Just keep in mind that potato chips are cheaper than cashmere. Give into comfy clothes. Jeans are overrated and not practical for sitting your ass in lectures all day. You might as well wear comfy clothes if you’re going to fall asleep in lecture anyway.
The journey from class to class turns in winter coat acts as your own personal sauna, so you’ll burn a few cals without even trying. You should probably note that the excessive perspiration won't stop there, though. Your face may be suffering from windburn, the lecture hall may be scalding hot, and you probably have zero personal space… but don’t focus on the negatives. You’re sweating and that means you’re losing weight, right? That hour and a half lecture basically equates to 3 shots you can take later that night. Math.
Speaking of lectures, think of how much you’re learning here at Syracuse! All that information compacted into your brain has to weigh something, right? That must be the root of the freshman 15 phenomenon.
College is a time for experimentation.
I came to Syracuse with a heap of assumptions, all sculpted by what the media told me college was. Much to my dismay, I soon realized that being assigned an attractive lab partner would not result in a happily ever after and a wedding taking place on the football field, being officiated by the school mascot. Upon learning that attractive individuals are already spoken for and I might be a tad delusional, I came back to reality. As for college romance, I now understand that romantic gestures occur post alcohol consumption. College is a cornucopia of willing young adults and endless opportunities. That being said, you could be the offspring of the Hobbit and a Star Trek character and still get laid. Beer goggles can make anyone look like a 10.
When words fail, food speaks.
The only thing that can truly mend a heartbreak (or fill the permanent void in your heart) is food. It is a scientifically unproven fact that eating reduces stress, boosts your mood, and does everything in its power to make you feel better. You can tirelessly study for a test, but the grade will never taste as good as chocolate cake will. Ending a night out with a burrito is much more satisfying than any “bae” that you could possibly spend the night with. Drunchies never let you down because they’re always waiting for you at home, and if you’re not, they’re just one GrubHub click away. Trust me, its okay when the only phone call you receive past 2 a.m. is from Domino's.
Laughter may be the “best” medicine as claimed by home décor motivational posters, and being in good company is definitely beneficial to support your cause. But good company is only good company if they bring food with them. If they don’t, you obviously have to ask them (politely) to leave.
There are so many reasons why it is pointless to count calories in college. The simple truth is college is too short to spend your time worrying about a number on the scale. Why waste your time forcing yourself to like kale when you can eat anything else and probably look exactly the same the next day. Literally, anything else.