How to Find Out if Your Hookup Has an STD
When a date is going well, you're likely thinking about what will happen after it's over. You try to figure out how to successfully transition from acting polite in the restaurant to acting naughty in the bedroom. But before you become a freak under the sheets, consider this: what if my date has an STD? Bringing up diseases over dessert might lower the heat, but it's important to address. If only it was as easy as saying, "what's your favorite movie and oh by the way do you have crabs?"
Here's some advice to help you tackle this tough topic.
Talk to your mutual friends about it.
Start with third parties if you're uncomfortable talking to your date directly. If your friends set you up, ask them first and see if they know anything about this person's sexual history. This is not the most reliable source, but it's a start.
Something along the lines of, "is Mike clean? You know, are his utensils clean and ready to cook with?” or, “Ashley seems good in bed, there’s nothing I should know before I jump those bones, right?”
Suck it up and speak up.
Your potential partner knows best when it comes to what's going on below the belt. Stay calm and work the topic into the conversation. If you’re on a date, get to know each other. Discuss personal details about your life to ease into things and have a little fun with the topic of sex. If your date does not have any STD’s then they will likely joke along with you. If they do, this gives them an opportunity to disclose anything you need to know.
If the party has already reached the bedroom, try: “this is going pretty well, is there anything I need to know before we dance the dance?” or, “if you want access to this temple, you need to pay the proper tribute and tell me all your dirty little secrets.” Once you pull out the condom, you can say “just so we’re on the same page, is there anything else besides pregnancy this may be protecting?” Or, if you're mid-hookup and things are escalating, pull away for a second and just straight up ask. "Have you been tested" or "are you clean" should work just fine.
Always come prepared.
Never trust that your hookup brought a condom. You don’t want to find yourself in a sexy situation without protection. Having a condom on hand makes the statement that you don’t want to contract a disease or have a pregnancy scare. It is key to find out if your partner has an STD before getting into bed with them, but using a condom will help protect you if you're not sure. Never expect someone to tell you outright if they have one or not. Just because a person doesn't say they have something doesn't mean they don't. STDs are not a personal detail that people are eager to share.
Having an STD does not determine a person’s character. Your partner may have gotten it because they didn’t know how to ask before having sex. The most important thing is what you decide to do after hearing that information (pro tip: use a condom).
Be wary that even if someone says they are clean, they might not actually know. Many people don't even get symptoms of certain infections. If your potential partner does have something, there are options to keep yourself clean. Both female and male condoms are readily available at any local pharmacy. If you took the time to get to know your partner, an STD shouldn't necessarily turn you away from that person.
If you're comfortable enough to potentially have sex with someone, you should be comfortable talking about the potential consequences of doing so. Sharing a sexual experience with someone should be an enjoyable and euphoric experience, not one that has backlashes.
Talk to your partner and always use condoms. Case closed.