How to Properly Sexile Your Roommate
You make eye contact with the hottie across the bar and once you start talking you know shit is about to go down. Everything seems to be going smoothly and they’re definitely DTF. But as you’re walking back to your room you realize one crucial piece of information... your roommate is home.
Most sexual beings have the same, natural reaction to this very unfortunate but completely unavoidable dilemma.How are we supposed to tell this person whom you know, love, and live with that they need to get the fuck out so we can get the fuck going?
Here's our guide to screwing (without screwing over your roomie).
Warn them. Simple yet effective. Let your roommate know there may be a special someone coming over for super-secret-sexy times. They will get the picture, but more importantly, you’ll get it.
Use a code word. Establish a word you can casually slip into conversation that lets your roommate know they may want to step out for an hour or so. “Pickle” seems to be a classic code word—it is common enough to not draw attention, yet distinct enough that your roommate will definitely get the hint.
Take a break. So we get it, you’re having sex. Good for you. But it is your roommate’s room too! Switch it up and go to your partner’s room or just give those private bits a breather, it might be for the best.
Normal times only, please. Sexiling your roommate is perfectly fine at say midnight on a Friday night, but 2 p.m. on a Tuesday or 4 a.m. on a Thursday morning is just rude and inconvenient. We get it, when you have to have it, you have to have it. But be a normal human being—go to class, call your mom, go to bed.
Never ever... ever have sex while they’re in the room. Take it from me, it is a terribly scarring experience to wake up to your roommate’s moans and groans. You won’t be able to look them in the eye for days.
THE GOLDEN RULE: They were cool enough to let you sexile them, so don’t throw a hissy fit when they have someone over for alone time, too. In fact, a little lovin’ will probably loosen any type of mid-winter moodiness they have going on.
Sex is awesome and college is definitely the place to have a lot of it, but don’t make things awkward with your roommate (the person you have to actually live with) just because you want a little action. Keep these few important tips in mind, and you'll be good to go.