Introducing the Most Epic Drinking Game For the Republican Debate

The third Republican primary debate is taking place this Wednesday, and you know what that means… another chance to watch a bunch of old, rich white people yell at each other. And the only thing more fun than watching the debate is playing a drinking game while watching. The 8 p.m. debate won't last longer than two hours, thanks to Donald Trump and Ben Carson’s bitching. Yes, that means you can still hit up Flip Night while staying politically informed. The candidates who made the cut include Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, Chris Christie, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, and Jeb Bush. The theme is “Your Money, Your Vote.”

Although the candidates promote “conservative values,” this game will have you drinking very liberally. Here are the rules:

Disclaimer: Playing this drinking game may result in irreparable damage, and/or death. Please drink responsibly, and know that Jerk Magazine claims no responsibility for anything that happens before, during or after playing this game including, but not limited to, vomiting, violent hangovers, bizarre nightmares of Trump’s toupee coming to life and attacking you, drunk texting your ex, concern for the future of our country, and/or fighting with and unfriending distant relatives/high school friends on Facebook. The only guarantee we have is that this game will definitely make you drunk before the end of the debate.

Take a sip for any of the following:

• Any of the candidates mentioning their father.
• Donald Trump interrupting somebody.
• Somebody denying global warming.
• One of the candidates mentioning their religion.
• The phrase “failed presidency” being used.
• Somebody (trying to) speak in Spanish.
• Someone saying they aren’t racist, followed by a racist statement.
• A candidate comparing themselves to Ronald Reagan.
• A male candidate discussing female anatomy incorrectly.
• A candidate mentioning a “war on Christianity.”
• Jeb Bush referring to himself as “Veto Corleone.”
• A candidate doesn’t actually answer the question.
• Whenever a candidate talks about defunding Planned Parenthood.

If you wanna get ratchet and take this to the next level.

• Build a wall of shots when a candidate mentions, “we need a wall,” and have each person shout, “Make America Great Again!” before they take theirs.
• Chug while a candidate goes over their speaking time limit.
• Finish your drink when Donald Trump suggests something to “take America back” that you agree with. Don’t stop drinking until you forget you agreed with an Oompa Loompa.
• Take a shot every time a candidate claims they have “a black friend,” or “a gay cousin,” etc.
• Stack coins every time a candidate complains about taxes. Take a shot every time the tower falls.

Bottoms up, betches.