Making Instagram Match Up with Real Life

ig_vs_real_life Whether it’s Instagramming our edible cookie dough placed at such a strategic angle you can read that catchy saying behind the wall, or boomeranging a frosé slushie cheers overlooking the NYC skyline, many of us have perfected the art of making our lives seem perfect. But ever consider that things aren’t always as perfect as they seem? Take certified basic Hailey’s day, for example:

It’s Friday morning, but just 12 hours ago Hailey and her squad rolled up for rum buckets at DJ’s. Hailey wakes up with low morale for her 9:30 a.m. SOC 101 recitation — but where are her impossibly white teeth and blemish-free face from her +30 comment ‘gram post last night? Did she leave them in the Uber?

After class, Hailey stops by King David’s to pick up a Greek salad with chicken — well done, obviously. On her way there, she bumps into a group of hungover, Ray-Ban-wearing girls sipping iced coffees and editing their Friday night pregame pics with the classic C1 VSCO filter. Normally she wouldn’t think twice but damn, this fellow basic bitch looks so familiar. A quick peep of the ‘gram and Hailey realizes it’s one of the gals she followed who posted her handle in the Facebook group, swearing she would follow back. Hailey of course has the app and sees the chick lied, and that the ugly sweatpants she has on didn’t make the feed. She hits the unfollow button angrily.

That night, Hailey and the crew hit up East Adams for yet another night drink. There, she’s forced into tons of group “candids.” She gets severe whiplash from swapping in and out of photos so much. Also, she must deal with Lexi, who needs more photos at the right angle. C’mon Lexi. Just use FaceTune to fix your stray hairs like everyone else and spare us all the drunken hour-long photo shoot? Thanks.

Returning home from a long, Photoshop-filled day, Hailey is exhausted and curls up in her Dormify-decorated room to watch the Kardashians marathon. She scrolls in the utmost frustration through her Insta feed, upset that she didn’t get one decent picture tonight. That’s when she remembers she literally has nothing better to do than edit pictures to perfection. Eventually she passes out, phone still in hand and FaceTune running. Can you blame her? It’s been a trying day of matching her Insta-perfect self.

We’re all for a little fine-tuning and getting a couple angles, but if you have the patience zoom in and microscopically blur out portions of your thighs so you look more #fit, please let us know. We would like to know how you have that much free time in your day and propose an offer to switch schedules.

Until then, basic bitch-dom will just have to hope that one day an Instagram editing class opens. We really don’t get enough credit for how hard it is to make things match up to our filters.

Real TalkLauren DanaComment