Party Etiquette: Don’t be THAT Guy
DON’T be the first one to arrive
It’s obviously über awks to show up at an empty house and start dancing to Avicii by yourself. Timing is everything. Arrive too early and you look like an overly enthusiastic freshman (because you probably are an overly enthusiastic freshman). Get there too late and the drinks will be long gone, and you’ll have a slim chance of pushing through the crowds to find an iota of empty space. You need to find that magic window of time when the party’s just getting into full swing, but hasn’t yet reached its peak. That way you’ll be there for the prime party period. Also, don’t overstay your welcome. If you and your wingman are the only people left besides two couples making out in the corner, it was probably time to leave half an hour ago. Make like a banana and split—ASAP.
DO wear something that makes you feel confident
Whether it’s a casual night or a themed event, you want to pick an outfit that makes you feel good. Anything too slutty, dowdy, messy, tight, itchy, or painful should be avoided. Case in point: I think every girl has discovered that having to constantly adjust an ill-fitting strapless bra is both extremely obnoxious and an accident waiting to happen. Confidence and comfort is key. You’ll thank yourself later when you notice that your stylish ensemble is still fully intact despite the fact that you’re thiiiisclose to being blackout drunk.
DON’T spill your drink on everyone around you
There’s nothing worse than having a full Solo cup’s worth of Natty Light rudely spilled all over your hair and shirt. Drunken, half-assed apologies are not acceptable. Either enjoy your drink in an empty spot away from the dance floor or invest in a sippy cup. For real though, I understand that it’s crowded and dark, but you still need to mind your manners.
DO take your vomit elsewhere
If you’re feeling queasy, it is highly appreciated that you attempt to move to a space where your risk of projectile vomiting on unsuspecting strangers is significantly lowered. It’s OK to admit that you overdid it—grab a friend to hold your hair back and head outside or to the nearest bathroom the minute your stomach starts to churn. Puking in a densely populated area is generally not the best way to win over a crowd.
Still looking for advice? Take some tips from these real-life partiers who have learned from experience:
“Don’t try to dance with a girl while her boyfriend is standing right next to you. Learned that the hard way.” – Chris, sophomore broadcast and digital journalism major
“Have a friend remind you that you’re not wearing underwear before you start dancing on any elevated surfaces.” –Anonymous, sophomore illustration major
“Use a buddy system and make sure you know where your buddy is at all times.” –Kristina, sophomore public relations major
“If you’re a guy and don’t have at least 4 or 5 girls with you, it’s probably not even worth trying to get into a party.” – E.J., freshman accounting major
“If you’re doing anything more than making out, get a room.” – Casey, freshman political science major
“Everclear is never a good idea.” – Jessica, junior psychology and economics major