By Farrah Moans Humans have innately needed sexual stimulation since the beginning of time. But we've also been lonely since the cavemen days, and sometimes sitting alone and masturbating just doesn’t cut it. Thank heaven for long-distance forms of sexual communication.

Frigid Victorian Women Long before 24-hour chat lines, men in the 19th century used handwritten love letters as the ultimate masturbatory material. Lydia Lyman wrote to her husband, a Civil War soldier, "How I long to see you... I'll drain your coffers dry next Saturday I assure.” He got so hot, he accidentally fired his gun.

Fuck me. Stop. Don’t Stop Try jacking off to a fragmented message from your lover. The electric telegraph sent coded signals through wires from one location to another that translated into a unified message allowing lovers sexy time from afar. Add the fact that some fat, sweaty oaf transposed (and probably ejaculated on) that message — now that’s electric!

Multi-tasking Once phones entered households, ear-to-ear sex was all the rage. Nothing’s better than hearing the sound of your partner cum while you take a shit or watch TV. But thanks to the Federal Communication Commission’s careful spot monitoring, many commercial chat lines must use more subtle euphemisms: “Oh big boy, put your man-meat in my pussy-cat.” Yum.

The Cyber Orgy 1988: a year of big hair, bigger libidos, and the birth of the online chat room — the virtual gay bar of the 21st century. K12frosty is “lookin’ for a hot, meaty cowboy with a huge cock.” Underage girls and sex offenders rejoiced as they could finally gather and talk all things coital without pesky moms interfering.

Young Adult Friction From flirty texts — “miss ur sexy ass” — to pre-teen cheerleaders “accidentally” sending pictures of their tits to the football team, “sexting” is the latest installment in the tale of copulation. The first “sexts” were sent around 2005, and now thanks to camera phones with video capability, we can pretty much fuck each other through our iPhones.

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