Stop Climate Change

...Blow up the Earth

By Kenton Schoen

illustration by Chelsea Follett

If you’ve seen the movie The Core, you know it sucked. Its Hollywood skid mark of a plot — where scientists decide to save the stalled planet by drilling into the Earth’s core and setting off an Earth-spinning nuclear blast — bears a terrifying similarity to a recent scientific proposal.

In an article in Nature, a group of scientists called for a multimillion-dollar study to trigger and control volcanoes with the intent of covering the atmosphere in a layer of sunlight-blocking ash. As the scientists put it, they “think that the risks of not doing research outweigh the risks of doing it.”

The experts may have an interesting idea, but I’ve got a better one. Instead of volcanoes, let’s take one of the largest nuclear arsenals (America’s) and bomb the nature-loving hell out of the world’s largest consumer/polluter (America). This would result in no more pollution and no more nukes — wins all around. It’s called killing all the birds with one giant radioactive stone.

In all seriousness, instead of spending our little-remaining time on Earth researching more ways to end life forever, let’s examine the system that created the problem. Until the world puts real pressure on corporate polluters (think Lake Onondaga’s 12-eyed, four-armed fish-monkeys) and on consumers to rethink how they live, we may as well get out the tanning oil for the old Kentucky Shore this summer. At this stage, we’re probably cooked anyway.

Illustration by Chelsea Follett