The Do's and Dont's of the Drunken Hookup

Whether you’re in a relationship, married, dating a whole cast of characters, or just fooling around, from time to time you may find yourself having drunk sex. For some, this is a fun and easy way to lose your inhibitions. For others, like me, it’s a nightmarish mix of fumbling and nausea. But that’s the thing with drinking — our logic and preferences don’t always win out. With that, here are some handy do's and don'ts for the next time you’re off the wagon and getting down:

Do: Practice safe sex Rum has proven a very poor prophylactic against pregnancy and STIs. No matter how trashed and horny you are, take a sec to tell him to put on a condom. I (and, well, some very fun drunk girls I know) keep them within easy reach of our beds for this, among other reasons.

Don't: Stress him out We guys have trouble getting, and then maintaining, our boners when we've been drinking. It’s not a reflection of how he feels about you, or his manliness — it’s a reflection of the fact that an hour ago he drank so much that he was teaching you how to dougie. BTW: Where did you find this guy? Correct answer: DJ’s On the Boulevard (not the hill, so that’s something).

Do: Lose your inhibitions, but remember where you put them The women I’ve spoken to who enjoy love-making after a few drinks almost uniformly give this as the first reason in support: it lowers their inhibitions. They worry less about how they look and what they’re doing and can focus more pleasuring themselves and their partner. Fine. Awesome. Except when you decide that tonight is the night to let him try that really crazy thing he’s been hinting at since the first date...

Don't: Try too hard to orgasm Booze affects your ability to orgasm. His too. Placing too much emphasis on the big finale will almost guarantee that the show goes on forever, or at least until both of you collapse into a pile of aching muscles, dehydration and chaffing. Just have fun — don't worry about the finale.

Do: Clean up after Please do worry about the mess a little. Taking three seconds to clean up, wash things off, or jump in the shower will pay dividends in the morning. Nobody likes a sticky hangover.

Don't: Worry about him judging you When you’re drunk, you’re going to do things you wouldn’t normally do and say things you wouldn't normally say. So is he. And it’s fine. He’s not going to think you’re super freaky, nor is he going to think you’re an emotional wreck. If things got wild, he’s going to know that part of it was the ride, and he's not going to expect the same behavior in the future or attach any kind of permanence to those attitudes or actions. If you had a good time, stop stressing.

Do: Brush your teeth when you wake up If you don't want to use his toothbrush (for the love of god, please let him own a toothbrush), do that thing where you put toothpaste on your finger and swirl it around until you feel minty fresh. If he’s a gentleman, he’ll do the same. I can’t tell you how nice it is to kiss someone the morning after a bit of a bender and taste peppermint instead of a 98 degree mix of beer, cigarettes, and my own bodily fluids.

Have drunken hookups worked for you or against you in the past? Let us know in the comments below.