The Legend of Knife Guy
Design by Brittany Isdith
It was a typical September evening at Syracuse University. The air was cold, the sky was dark, and the students were drunk. It was around 2 a.m. The night was winding down as the final Jimmy John’s orders were delivered. SU student Liam McNiff and his friends were hanging in the front yard of their house on Clarendon Street. Like typical boys, they were crushing brews, packing a lip, and arguing over which girl at the party had the best personality. Then, it happened.
A shadowy figure appeared out of the darkness. McNiff and the others struggled to identify this mysterious person. Was it a lost freshman? Chancellor Kent? The Hash Slinging Slasher?
No, worse. It was Knife Guy.
The six-foot, hooded man was wielding two enormous knives. He stood in the street, slashing them against the ground as sparks flew everywhere. He said nothing—his knives did the talking. Then, as quickly as it had started, the murderous scene was over. He vanished into the darkness, knives in tow.
“We were like, wow that was weird, but we just let it slide,” says McNiff. A normal reaction to a psychopath waving weapons around outside your home. He and his friends thought they had seen the last of this villain.
They thought wrong.
Thirty minutes later, Knife Guy struck again. He showed up next to the stop sign across from the Daily Orange house. He stood on the road, illuminated by the streetlight overhead, staring menacingly at the group of boys and still holding the knives. One of the boys cried out a desperate plea, “LEAVE US ALONE!” Knife Guy responded by whipping his weapons through the air. Finally, he spoke. “I’m nice with these!” he roared.
In that moment, McNiff and his friends realized the severity of the situation. It’s unclear whether it was the sound of the predator’s voice or the moonlight glinting off his blades of glory that made them feel unsafe, but in any case, they finally called the police.
By the time help arrived, Knife Guy was nowhere to be found. The cops searched the surrounding area and came up empty. No knives, no guy. Despite how McNiff and his friends were trembling with fear from what they had witnessed, the officers did not believe their claims. They were forced to live in fear of the return of Knife Guy. In attempt to protect the community, the witnesses to this horror scene formed the Alliance Against Knife Guy.
Since the A.A.K.G has not yet captured Knife Guy, I’ve come up with a few theories to explain his existence. He could be:
- A very stressed out culinary student
- Trying to score a role in a sequel to Edward Scissorhands
- A hibachi chef from Koto who just got fired
- A man who lost his short-term memory in a tragic accident on Halloween three years ago, so he’s still in costume
- A professional landscaper practicing for a hedge-trimming competition
- A karate black belt using extreme agility to cut flies in half midair
- The ghost of Sigma Chi’s former chef, back with a vengeance
While Knife Guy has not been seen recently, a new villain's rumored to terrorize the streets of Syracuse. This September, one year from Knife Guy’s first appearance, SU student William O’Brien spotted Whip Guy. But that’s a story for another day.