The Mid-College Crisis: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

1.CollegeCrisisPhoto by Adham Elsharkawi

This week was a time of reflection for me. No, I didn’t go on a yoga retreat where I did downward dog on a peak of a mountain or have some religious epiphany in which Jesus and I became homies.

The truth of the matter is that my computer was broken and I had nothing to occupy my attention #FirstWorldProblems. As I waited for the prognosis of my sweet sweet computer from Apple (shoutout to Cindy for all your help), I had nothing to do but actually think thoughts. As I sat on my couch, staring off into the distance that is my living room, I slowly but surely started to use my brain without the help of electronics. Thoughts turned into reflections and reflections turned into psychoanalysis… and, being the shitty therapist that I am, a confident conclusion that I am indeed experiencing a mid-college crisis.

A mid-college crisis is exactly what it sounds like. It's when you’re over half way done with college and you think to yourself, “Fuck, what am I doing with my life?” People deal with this daunting reality differently—some try to counteract the fact that life is moving, while others attempt to accept the reality of it. There are many things one may do when they are going through a mid-college crisis, and most of the time they are questionably impulsive decisions that will make him or her look like a total psychopath.

If you aren’t sure if you have had or are having a mid-college crisis, here is a list of criteria to help you figure it out. If you check off one or more of these boxes, it is safe to say that you may be going through a mid-college crisis… and in that case, you're going to need Jesus (and or yoga).

  1. Cutting off your hair. The classic, textbook definition of a crisis. When going through the mid-college crisis, many girls decide to cut off their hair in an attempt to regain control over their dysfunctional lives. Unfortunately, I could not check this one off my list; my head is already too disproportionate for my body and cutting off my hair would draw even more attention to it.
  1. Nostalgia. Usually you'll be hit with nostalgia while standing in the corner of a party as you watch freshmen girls dance around in crop tops, getting hit on by dudes. Then comes the wave of feels. You start thinking back to when that was you… a lovely reminder of how you can no longer wear crop tops thanks to the freshman 15. Fuck you, Sliders. Then you realize these freshmen don’t even know what Sliders is and you feel old (and sad, and fat).
  1. Going back to DJs. You have or attempted to go drink at DJ’s on a Friday night to relive old memories. Yes, DJs is where it all started. It was where you learned how to drink at Syracuse and also where most of your cringe worthy moments making out and grinding on other freshman took place. If you find yourself at DJs, please save your hair from the frizziness of being in that steam room some call a bar. The blast from the past is simply not worth the struggle.
  1. Drinking cheap alcohol. Trying to relive freshman year by chugging Four Locos or taking shots of UV. Over the past few years, your pallet has expanded. You now enjoy casually sipping on a nice IPA or whiskey on the rocks. Stick to your craft beers and expensive liquor, drinking cheap alcohol isn’t as fun if you’re not trying to keep quiet so your RA doesn’t hear.
  1. Hooking up with a freshman. Here's the scene: you're out and about one Friday night and see this cute guy that you immediately want to hook up with. After talking to him for a while you look down and see his lanyards and think, “Why not?” No further description needed, but just try to avoid this one at all cost.

Life moves on and I know it is scary, but freaking out about it is absolutely normal. College only happens once, so if you’re going through a mid-college crisis, embrace it. If you can’t accept it, always have a backup plan. There's no shame in failing a couple classes to stick around a little longer… that's my plan at least.