The Shocking Truth About What You'll Overhear At Faculty

1.GoldsteinPhoto by Adham Elsharkawi

The shit people talk about is absolutely absurd.

I’d suggest never tuning into to a conversation between a gaggle of humans in line for Starbucks if you value your current count of brain cells. College students are notorious for doing really fucked up things. I mean after all, this is when we’re supposed to “experiment.” The real question is… how far is too far?

College students are notorious for being a little (Okay, very) narcissistic and not knowing when to shut the fuck up. If you got a blumpkin from a rando in the third floor bathroom and you don’t divulge the details to your entire fraternity, scientific evidence proves that it in fact did not happen. On most days, it can be hard to overhear these types of dialogues. You may just want to plug your ears with some Drake and go on about your day. Other times, we are not afforded that luxury.

Now imagine a restaurant filled exclusively with college students who are hung over practically five days a week. Gossip goldmine. Bless Us O Lord, and these thy things which, I am about to hear, that will make me lose my faith in humanity. Amen.

Here are a few of my favorite Faculty one-liners, straight from the mouths of your fellow peers:

  • “Should I get one nipple pierced or both?”
  • “Don’t put your purse on the floor, you might get rabies!”
  • “He’s so facey.” – What does this even mean?!
  • “Calling it ‘Blackboard’ is almost racist, you know?”
  • “Hot tomato oil literally makes me wet.” Okay, I agree with this one.
  • “I just like, hate condoms.”
  • “Is Obama still president?”
  • “I need to fuck Taye Digs before I graduate.”
  • “I went to make a Hot Pocket and when I came back she was gone.”
  • “Are sweet potato fries a vegetable?”
  • “He’s been cheating on me ever since the Snapchat update.”
  • “I couldn’t go to bid night cause I was blowing up the toilet.”
  • “I’m gonna get gluten-free pasta and breadsticks.”
  • “How did people have sex before Tinder?”
  • “I used his letters as a pillow last night but like, not in a weird way.”

So, yeah. I’m not sure if I’m more concerned about the girl who doesn’t know who Obama is or the guy who thinks sweet potato fries count as a healthy meal choice. Hopefully they don’t “just like, hate condoms” and won’t reproduce anytime soon.

 

Real TalkKelly O'SullivanComment