What Statement Does Your Statement Necklace Make?

By: Susie Heller

From a young age we’re taught not to judge a book by its cover. Quite frankly, I’ve found that to be a load of bullshit. I stand firmly by the belief that almost everything [in fashion] can be judged based on appearance. Why do you think I’m a faceless online fashion blogger? Not sorry about it.

I’ve found that there is one common denominator upon which all Syracuse girls can be judged. No, it’s not your Starbucks drink order (Trenta half-caff sugar-free caramel macchiato with light ice and extra caramel), or your spring break insta of choice (my legs looking eerily like hot dogs on some beach with the toaster filter #JamesFranco). It’s your statement necklace.

Statement necklaces are the must-have accessory for the spring—and appropriately so. Your favorite statement necklace doesn’t just add flair to your outfit; it also allows every random passerby to catch a glimpse of your true moral character.

If your necklace is “art deco,” you probably watched Baz Luhrmann’s remake of Gatsby last spring and are “oh my God, so obsessed with the 20s. Their parties were, like, insane!” If you could eat dinner with any person living or dead, you would ironically pick Jay Gatsby. You are the worst.

A wise woman once said, “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” Damn straight. To show everyone just how refined you really are, I recommend a pearl and pastel necklace. When worn to class with your favorite outfit, this statement necklace exclaims that you’ve got your life together—while the rest of us barely managed to put pants on and roll out of bed.

  If you choose to make a statement with a floral necklace, you’re probably desperate to show everyone just how free of a spirit you really are. You’re counting down the days until Coachella, and probably wear a flower crown on a regular basis. Some may say you’re a dreamer—but most probably don’t. Although your necklace faintly whispers flower child, you’re just as preppy and type-A as the J. Crew employee who sold your necklace.

To be quite honest, there are only two occasions where it’s acceptable to wear a statement necklace comprised entirely of crystals: you’re a B-list celebrity at New York Fashion Week, or a misguided, blacked-out girl at the bars. Actually, there are three; you can wear one of these sparkly bibs and not be a legitimate fashion faux pas if you’re my personal hero, baby North West. Otherwise, think twice the next time you consider one of these blinding statement pieces for your nighttime ensemble. This won’t look cute at the bar, and no amount of Instagram filtration will make it any better.

Then, there are the few and the proud: those who don’t own a statement necklace. I commend you. You probably have some super obscure major like Ceramics or Energy and Its Impact. I hate, respect, and fear you all at the same time.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but a statement necklace really says it all. If you’re unlucky enough to spend your spring break stuck on your parents couch with nothing to do but aimlessly watch Scandal and online, think long and hard about what you want people to judge you on, because they inevitably will #realtalk.