What Your Winter Socks Say About You
As the temperature drops and the slush puddles on campus grow by the minute, SU students frantically bundle up to combat this unholy weather. As you pull on your boots to brave the blizzards, consider this: your sock choice could be the difference between cozy toes and no toes. One of the best ways to protect yourself from the elements is to find a solid pair of winter socks, layer up, and pray that you won’t stumble into a snow bank like I did yesterday morning. But with endless sock possibilities out there, which one should you choose?
Ranked from levels of semi-practical to pure insanity, here’s a definitive guide on what your sock choice says about you.
I see you, girl. You’re a trendsetter, go-getter, edgy-dresser extraordinaire. Rock out with your thighs out, am I right? Sure, you may be a little chilly from time to time (or bone-chillingly cold, but that’s a minor detail). A knee-sock rocker is fashionable, maybe not so practical— hey, we’re talking several inches of exposed skin here— but at least they always look fabulous. You’ll most likely find them swaggering around campus with booties, a sweater dress, and a wide-brimmed hat to complement their fancy footwear, all while sipping a steaming Starbucks latte.
Hey, go you! Fuzzy socks in the winter are the way to go. What’s better than cozying up your toes into a nice blanket of fluffy, bright colored fabric? Fuzzy sock wearers don’t give a shit (even less so than the honey badger). When winter rolls around, they just want to stay warm. No fancy tights or flirty knee-highs are necessary for these footwear connoisseurs. Fuzzy sock enthusiasts are comfortable, cozy, and significantly less miserable than anyone else braving this nightmarish weather. 10/10 would recommend.
Camp socks are the epitome of practicality in this winter sock spectrum. Peeking out just over the tops of your Bean Boots or Doc Martens, camp socks keep you warm and dry while still allowing for a fashion statement (bonus if they're pineapple patterned). Camp sock lovers are in the winter battle for the long haul (even if they've never been camping but that's the technical name). They probably picked up all their clothing at L.L. Bean and are taking this crappy weather with a grain of salt (probably more than that, TBH. Have you seen the sidewalks lately?). At least they know they’ll be warm and stylish.
Honestly, do you still have feet? It’s consistently below freezing here, so if you’ve managed to walk around with exposed ankles, more power to you. An ankle sock wearer is ballsy and brave, almost to the point of recklessness. They don’t let wind chill and frostbite deter them— what’s a lost limb, anyway? They laugh in the face of Snowacuse, but probably secretly wish they went to UMiami instead because it’s cold AF here. Side note: If you’re one of those guys that rocks shorts and ankle socks every day, I salute you. Keep on keepin’ on, and let us hope you still have all four limbs when spring comes around.
Seriously? Are you ok? Do you need me to call Crouse Hospital? I can’t think of a logical explanation for why you’d want to venture around this godforsaken tundra with only some measly shoes protecting you from the elements. No sock wearers have got something to prove. They think they’re immune to winter and want the world to know, one frozen toe at a time.
No Sock OR Shoes
I don’t even know what to say at this point, but please don’t go outside. There’s ice out there and you’ll get stuck faster than that kid licking the flagpole in A Christmas Story (a moment of silence for Schwartz and his ripped tongue). Put some goddamn socks and shoes on, you crazy human. No shoes, no service, no circulation.
Whatever your sock choice is during this lovely winter season, just try to stay warm. Syracuse is the 10th circle of hell after all, completely frozen over. Make sure your socks can take the heat (or lack thereof).