13 Things That Are More Peaceful Than Donald Trump

Word on the street (aka the Internet) is Donald Trump was recently nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. If that’s the case, we all better break out our beanies and winter jackets because Hell is about to freeze over.

Some fuckboy out there probably thought it would be hilarious to nominate Trump for the award. When the committee who picks the nominees saw his name on the list, they were probably blackout drunk and said, "fuck it!" Honestly, they’re probably just sick of having to deal with people who have legitimate moral values, so they picked him to join in on the festivities. This is literally the only explanation that makes any sense.

As much as we love good ol' Donny T and all of his antics, there are countless things that are more peaceful than him. Including, but not limited to...

1. Ebola

It is still a thing. Be aware.

2. Food poisoning from Oishi Sushi

“Whatever you do, don’t get the Spicy Tuna Roll :/ ” – Anonymous

3. The Conjuring, a horror film

Demons trying to inhabit your body? Casual.

4. Your computer crashing

Right before you hit save, the 10-page research paper you pulled an all-nighter to write is gone.

5. Ripping shots at 8 a.m.

Sometimes necessary, never easy.

6. When your credit card gets declined

There is a huge line behind you at Chipotle and...*calls mom to transfer money*

7. A baby crying on your eight hour flight

SU Abroad did not say this would happen in the pamphlet they handed out. Can I get a refund?

8. Shotgunning Red Bull

It’s a lifestyle.

9. Your mom vacuuming when you’re trying to sleep

“I don’t care that it is 3:30 in the afternoon, Mother. Have some respect.”

10. The long line at Starbucks before your 9:30 a.m. class

It is 9:23 and there are still six people ahead of you. At least three of them look like they'll order steamed soy. No chance you're making it to class on time.

11. Asbestos

Everything my dad has told me about this makes it seem dangerous.

12. Burning your mouth on a Totino's pizza roll

It's like being bitten by a puppy. You loved it so much, yet it still hurt you so bad.

13. When your parachute doesn’t open when you’re skydiving

Fingers crossed someone is already down there to break your fall.

If Trump somehow pulls off the win for this, I think I may have to reevaluate some of my life choices. Like, can you just nominate yourself? Because I would totally do that next year—great resumé booster. I think I’m just as qualified as him. Let’s get that conversation going.

#AbbyShouldWinTheNobelPeacePrize2017