Which Stoner Are You?
Graphic by Ande Wittenmeier
Let’s not beat around the bush here, we all love getting high. Especially as college students, there is nothing we look forward to more than that first taste of bud after hours of grinding in Bird. We all vary in how we react to THC, so let's get into it and find out what kind of stoner you are.
The Bugger: This is the worst. And we’ve all been there. Whether you’re an anxious person in general and your anxiety is heightened when you smoke weed, you accidentally greened out, or a scary thought pops into your mind that you just can't shake… you're bugging. The rest of your high is usually ruined by anxiety, and you have a hard time socializing. You might start to panic about whether your friends even like you anymore, but we promise you, it's in your head. You’re probably the one who towels the door in your dorm and cleans up every part of your smoke sesh right after you finish blazing, just to be on the safe side.
The Muncher: Ah, the one that blames their freshman-15 on the power of the plant! If you get high and instantly inhale every single crumb of food in sight, you’re the easy-going, reliant friend who always has the best snacks. You smoke in the kitchen and like to complain while simultaneously popping gushers in your mouth. You’re hilarious, and we love your presence, so long as you don’t finish our snacks.
The Laugher: Kudos to you. Seriously. You are the reason so many of us think we can make it as stand-up comedians. You literally cannot help yourself from cracking up at any and everything, love to watch dumb TV shows and are easily entertained. There’s this amazing energy about you that people love to be around and you have the most contagious laugh at the smoke sesh. You’ll probably even outlive everyone else because you’re just so damn happy all the time. As the laugher of the group, you’re definitely the type to smoke on the Mount steps in the hopes that your presence will potentially prompt some good freshmen banter.
The Philosopher: Some of us hate you, some of us love you, and some of us love to hate you. You get off on challenging every sentence that comes out of your friends’ mouths and enjoy presenting “deep” thoughts to the group so everyone knows just how smart and interesting you are. You're probably the type to smoke at the cemetery on campus… no judgment, though.
The Couch Potato: Dude, we swear there is glue between your ass and the couch cushion — we couldn’t remove you even if we tried. By smoking weed, you’re basically signing an imaginary contract with yourself stating that the only thing you’ll accomplish for the next three hours is rest and relaxation. You’re lazy as fuck, but you wouldn’t want it any other way, and why should you? You’ll smoke anywhere that’s cozy enough to spend the next few hours, and you’ll leave your mess as is until you're feeling motivated enough to clean it.