8 Reasons Why Iggy Azalea is a Life Ruiner
The artist responsible for life-changing records such as “Pu$$y” and “New Bitch” who hails from the land down under (not h-e-double sticks… maybe) is corrupting today’s youth and ruining daily culture as we know it. No, I am not talking about Olivia Newton John. I’m talking about I-G-G-Y. When she’s not busy plotting to end the world, she is rapping songs with a strange Aussie accent.
As one of “those people” who loves to remind people, “I listened to them before they were popular,” I’ve listened to Iggy Azalea’s “Work” since summer of 2013. Fast-forward to 2014 and Iggy and her derriere are everywhere. At first, I was glad and proud to see one of my metaphorical children finally growing up and making it big, but ever since she has made it to the top, she’s continuously ruined EVERTHING.
1. She ruined Christmas
Need I say anything more? I’m cringing.
2. She ruined Child Beauty Pageants
Before Iggy Azalea, child beauty pageants were beautiful, innocent things in which children could get on a stage and let their natural beauty shine. Iggy had to taint these toddlers by making them do Irish Jigs while she rapped words such as “bitches” and “murda.” Call me old-fashioned, but children and the word “bitches” don’t exactly go together.
3. She ruined “English”
Her new single “Iggy SZN” had me confused from the moment I saw the title. I wasn’t sure if “SZN” was a title you had to go school for (Iggy Ph.D, Dr. Iggy?). No ladies and gentlemen, “SZN” is the phonically weird way to spell “season.” Why she thought “SZN” was an acceptable way to spell “season” is beyond me — but there is absolutely no excuse for a grown woman to think there is a “z” and no vowels in a word such as “season.”
4. While we’re on the object of English…
Her diction sucks. Every rapper has his or her own special twang, but every time I listen to Iggy’s, I vomit and say a prayer for humanity simultaneously (yes, it happens).
5. She can’t sing her own songs
#tbt to that time she performed live on Dancing with the Stars and managed to come in at the wrong time. Now she knows how I felt all summer whenever I would be rapping “Fancy” like a bad bitch and come in too early.
6. She ruined my GPA
Though you might say I’m being dramatic, I swear I’m not. There is really nothing as frustrating as sitting in lecture, section, recitation, what may have you, and your professor says “first things first” and then goes on to list important info. Well, every time I hear “first things first” I MUST start rapping Iggy’s opening verse. I then hear NOTHING the teacher said. So by the transitive property, Iggy Azalea is the reason I’m failing Spanish.
7. She ruined “Clueless”
As much as I love the Clueless video and think that it is absolutely brilliant, she cannot do justice to Cher Horowitz. Sorry-not-sorry.
8. She ruined pop music
Are your ears bleeding yet? After watching this it will.