Cutting The Cord: Warning Signs That Your Relationship May Be Doomed
There are two types of college relationships: “the long distance" one, and the "we met at school and actually want to see how this goes” one. And while both are very different, there’s still the imminent question of when you’re going to break up, and how you’re going to break up– unless you found the love of your life, in which case kudos to you!
Those typically in a long distance relationships have dated for a while and don’t want to break up just because of distance. But when you agree to put some miles between you, don’t let the distance keep you guys distant emotionally. There are several hints that may be an indication that your relationship is not working, whether you’re ready to admit it or not.
Here are a few warning signs that your relationship may have an expiration date.
- Your partner is not very involved in your personal life.
You’re stressed for a test. You just signed up for a new club. You simply just want to talk. Who do you want to call and tell about your day? If your answer was not your boyfriend or girlfriend, then red flags should be waving in the air right now, because this is not a good thing. You’re supposed to want to involve them in your day, even if they are hundreds of miles away.
- You haven't seen them in... a while.
Yes, distance is hard. And yes, making a five hour drive on the weekend to see each other sucks. But you guys were the ones that agreed to stay together, so you guys both have to put in the effort. If the effort is one sided: red flag. If the plans change last minute and he cancels on you: red flag. If she doesn’t want you to ever visit her: big red flag. This isn’t paranoia; it’s the cold hard truth. You guys aren’t seeing each other as much because you’re growing apart and are used to your partner’s absence. Sorry, but it’s true.
- You're constantly arguing.
I do believe that a good argument every now and then is a healthy thing. But if you're fighting every time you guys talk (and you’re not PMSing) then perhaps there’s something else going on. Why are you guys arguing more? Are you partying too much? Are you dressing inappropriately? Are you not being yourself? Is he posting pictures with attractive girls and making you jealous? Does he not care about how your week is going? Do you want Ben Carson to be president and he wants Bernie Sanders to be president (that's a joke, although it would lead to arguments I’m sure). Regardless of the topic of arguments, the point is that you're clashing. What used to be laughter and playful teasing has turned into yelling and degrading the other person. That’s not what a relationship is about. If you find yourself annoyed or upset more than you find yourself happy and giddy, trust me, it’s time to pull the plug on this relationship.
While the list only covers three points, they can be applied broadly. The same also goes for close-proximity relationships. You still need to put effort into the relationship. If you guys aren’t spending quality time together, making each other laugh, and genuinely loving one another, there will come a point when you have to ask yourself if what you have with this person is worth all the trouble. Yes, relationships can get rocky and have their ups and downs, but if the relationship is mostly downs, it might be time to schedule a wine night with your girls and have some deep discussion as to whether you and your boyfriend or girlfriend are really working out.
Remember when you were little girl sitting and picking flower petals while asking the age-old question, “He loves me, he loves me not?” But there comes a time in the relationship when you have to ask yourself, “do I love him, or do I love him not?” The answer might not be the one you want, but in the long run, your decision will be worth it.