Got No Date? Masturbate!


L0NiKehYKBkw-UqrTMhg12hSPxEIZIUmWKnQg3gLazg This weekend brings Single Awareness Day (better known as Valentine’s Day) — can’t you just hear all the singles rejoice? Jokes aside, Valentine’s Day is a hard day on anyone. I mean, no one should be subjected to seeing loved-up couples making out in public and flaunting their expensive "Ohmygod, look what he got me" gifts on Instagram (mind you, I’m in a relationship and I don’t even look forward to this).

As a single person, this is definitely the one day that can make you just hate the world, even more so than usual. But the question is, why should you? I’ve compiled a list of things you can do to own your V-Day and celebrate being single; cause no one ever complained about casual sex and freedom.

1. Have dinner with your closest single friends. While restaurants will be packed wall-to-wall with couples on their "romantic night out," show them where the fun is at. Grab your closest single buddies and treat yourselves to some good food. No one said you had to be in a relationship to dress up and dine out, so why not do it with your closest friends? And since you’re not on a date, screw etiquette, order that rack of ribs and devour it with your hands.

2. Early St. Patrick’s Day, anyone? Fuck Valentine’s and instead treat the day as a pre-St. Paddy’s day, which can only mean one thing — drinks. Stock up on your alcohol of choice and look forward to a day of drinking your singleness away. Hey, you could even try some single drinking games like Drunk Memory or I Never 2.0. You know what they say: a shot of tequila a day…

3. Throw a massive rager. This year, V-Day falls on a Saturday, so take advantage of the weekend and throw the most epic party of the year. While all the lovebirds will be busy doing couply things, you can play Cupid as you host all the singles of SU. under one roof. Between good music, booze, and just all around sexual frustration, people will definitely be down to hook up.

4. The Duke game. Basically the game of the season. Anyone who’s anyone will be watching ‘Cuse go head to head with Duke. Even if basketball isn’t your thing, the hype around this game is already so intense that most coupled up people are wishing they were single so that they could spend the day at the Dome instead of watching "The Notebook" with their significant other. And since we are in 'Cuse, the pre-game and post-game parties will be everywhere. With all this school spirit, you’ll be going, "Valentine’s what?"

5. Hook up with an ex. Sometimes all you really need is sex, and if you’re too lazy to go find someone new, who better than your ex? Whether it’s a recent break up or you guys have called it quits months ago, as long as you’re on talking terms and you know they might be single on V-day too, a hook up for the day can’t hurt. While it may be the lazy option, some sex is better than no sex, right?

6. Have a singles appreciation movie marathon. Despite the insane number of rom-coms and "happily ever after" movies that are out there, there are actually a decent number of movies that will make you appreciate being single. For example, if Jack never met Rose in Titanic he probably would’ve survived. More recently, "Gone Girl" is the movie that will make you so freaking grateful to be single. (If you haven’t watched it yet, pop some popcorn and thank me later.)

7. Self love. As this article's title suggests, treat yourself to a sex toy this Valentine’s Day, create a sexy playlist, and sex yourself. Before you blow this idea off (no pun intended), just think about it. No one knows how to get you going better than you do, and most people are probably having worse sex than you, so go ahead and self love.

Art by Shawna Rabbas

SexplainedLydia ChanComment