Here's Our Go-to Gifts to Buy People You Don’t Give a Shit About

Photo by Adham Elsharkawy There is a lot to love about the holiday season. Christmas lights are everywhere, holiday parties are rampant, and you finally get to hand in your Christmas list (thanks for the newest Naked eye palette, Mom!). However, there are also a lot of things that suck about this time of year… like the whole “spirit of giving” thing.

Don’t get me wrong, giving back to the community and buying your Mom a nice present are great. That woman does wonders for you. But the absolute worst moment of your life happens when you suddenly need a gift for your brother’s girlfriend’s Mom’s cousin, Ruth, whom you only met once for Secret Santa. After unsuccessfully trying to bribe your brother to trade with you, you come to terms with the fact that you need to get her a gift. What the actual fuck do you get someone who you don’t actually give a shit about?

Don’t panic, I got you. After careful deliberation, many hours of extensive research, and countless focus groups, my results conclude that these are the most thoughtful gifts you can give someone who you honestly wish you didn’t have to buy a present for.

An iTunes gift card

Nothing says, “Happy Holidays” like a $10 gift card for iTunes. You’re basically doing them a favor and letting them pick their own gift. Who needs Spotify when you you can actually buy your music? They should be worshipping the ground you walk on.

A candle

A nice Christmas candle is a gift that everyone can appreciate. The smell of Bath & Body Works’ new “Balsam and Cedar” candle will help set the festive mood this holiday season. Nothing says “I like the holidays” like the smell of pine. Don’t buy them a Yankee Candle though... that shit is expensive.

A John Greene book

What more do people want than to be in love this holiday season? This is a great gift for those who are single as shit. Keep dreaming, enjoy this romantic novel every teenage girl is raving about!

Hand sanitizer

Buying them hand sanitizer shows them you really care about their health and well being. “I got you some hand sanitizer! I wouldn’t want you getting sick during the holidays. I hear that black lung is going around this year.”

Air freshener for the car

Honestly, if I got this gift I would be pretty happy. When your car smells good, you smell good. Just make sure they have a car before you buy this for them.

Texting gloves

Have you ever walked outside in the winter and you can’t have your phone out in your hand because it is so cold? BAM, problem solved with these gloves. Now they can keep their phone out while they are walking so they can pretend they have friends who they are texting so random strangers think they’re popular.

No matter who you don’t give shit about this holiday season, make their wishes come true with one of these truly shitty presents. Shout to my five roommates who will be getting hand sanitizer.

Real TalkAbby HewelComment