How to Hide Your Alcohol Problem From Your Family on Thanksgiving

Design by Brittany Isdith It's no secret that downing some alc helps every college student get through a family Thanksgiving gathering. People always say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, but in college, excessive drinking seems to be the norm.

This makes it relatively difficult to return home (to the "real world") where our college drinking habits are deemed unacceptable or barbaric in some households. In the spirit of the holidays, here’s a handy guide to get you through Thanksgiving without revealing your college-accepted alcohol "problem" to your family.

Pace yourself.

Getting to drink alcohol that doesn't come from a bag or a plastic bottle (and wasn't touched by 50+ people’s mouths) is undoubtedly exciting. What's even more exciting is how you can drink as you please without pressure to “CHUG,” and no one is shoving a handle in your face for a handle-pull. Unless your Thanksgiving dinner is spent at a frat house, I don’t foresee your college habits coming in handy for this meal. Enjoy and savor this moment of class. Babysit a glass of wine during the cocktail hour while you wait for the fam to arrive. Getting a head start on your drunk uncle wouldn’t be fair, now would it?

Turn it into a game.

Drink every time someone asks you a question. “How’s the weather up there, dear?” “Well, Grandma Pearl, it ain’t the kind of weather for playing poolside mahjong at Boca Beach Club, I’ll tell ya that much,” as you sip your chardonnay. Take a gulp every time someone mentions your inability to lose the freshman fifteen. While alcohol helps you maintain your sanity throughout the night, it also provides you with very creative answers to very annoying question.

Go ahead and down your drink when your nonexistent love life becomes the topic of conversation.

“What happened to that fella you told me about last year?” “Oh silly Aunt Hilda, he’s a made up person I lied about so you’d stop making hints that you think I’m asexual.”

Create an alliance.

Find someone you have something in common with (i.e. being the only single people there) and form an alliance based on a mutual understanding of how drunk you need to get.

Get everyone else in on the fun.

Why try and stay on their level when your level is obviously more fun? Nobody wants to be the drunkest one at the party, so just make everybody as drunk as the drunkest one at the party.

Tailor family traditions to your own alcoholic needs.

As one of the younger cousins in my family, the majority of my cousins were in or starting college while I was stuck in high school. At different points in our lives, we all shared a common interest of drinking and love for beer pong. Our tradition of going to the movies changed to an annual, pretty competitive, beer pong tournament. Use alcohol to bring the family together this holiday season.

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