The Basics of BDSM

Almost everyone that I talk to seems infatuated with the idea of bondage, and has always wanted to give it a try — especially if they took that Love, Lust, and Relationships class. Of course, in college it’s a little bit more difficult to start exploring the BDSM scene. But fear not, I’ve taken it upon myself to compile some deets on everything beginner BDSMers will need to know.

Basics BDSM is derived from the terms “bondage” and “discipline” (BD), “dominance” and submission” (DS), and "sadism" and "masochism" (SM). Some people only practice BDSM in the privacy of their bedrooms, and some make it a lifestyle to live 24/7. In a BDSM relationship, there' will always be a dominant/top person and a submissive/bottom person. A dominant male is usually referred to as a master, and a dominant female is usually referred to as a mistress (and/or dominatrix). Both submissive males and females are referred to as subs or slaves. Other common terms include “slave boy” for males, and “slave girl” for females. How romantic. If this sounds all too familiar, it’s safe to assume you’re binge-reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

Partners A lot of people usually practice BDSM with the person they are involved with, a boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband, etc. Others just practice bondage with a play partner, or friend. If you don’t have a BDSM partner, you can always find one at a BDSM club (yes, those exist) or at your Fifty Shades of Grey book club. You’ll be surprised as to how many people are actually in the BDSM scene… even people you never thought of!

Scene A scene is the stage/setting where the bondage activity takes place. You can practice bondage in the privacy of your own dorm, at a BDSM club, a dungeon, or anywhere you want. Keep in mind that sex doesn’t have to be a part of the scene. During the scene, you can live out all your fantasies and enter a new world by dominating or being dominated on. It’s always a good idea to plan out your scenes with your partner(s) ahead of time. You don’t have to go in full detail — because surprises can be good *insert winky face emoji* – but discussing your fantasies/limits and expectations with your partner(s) results in a fun time for all.

Play Everyone has their limits on what they enjoy in bondage, but some popular bondage play includes: whipping, role-playing, strap-on play, bondage, candle wax/ice torture, chastity belts, suspension, and more.

Safe Word A safe word is a word you say when you feel things are getting a bit out of control, or when you have just had enough, and need to call it quits. For example, if your partner is whipping you and you can’t take anymore, say your safe word and your partner will stop. The word “no” is not a good safe word. And a punch in the face is not the best move either. Safe words to use are colors such as red, or names of people/things that will turn you off completely.

So there you have it! Everything you wanted (or didn’t want) to know about getting started with BDSM. Just remember, you’re in college. Not everyone is going to be into that stuff, so don’t get offended if your partner calls you a freak. Also, the dorm walls are very thin, so I recommend keeping the screaming and moaning to a minimum.

As always, have fun and be safe! Laters, baby.