The Lowdown on the Getdown

The great vaginal maze

When my boyfriend goes down on me, he’s as lost as a mouse in a maze. He enthusiastically tries his best, but ultimately, I get nothing out of it. How can I get him to give me better oral without hurting his feelings?

The great vaginal maze does indeed puzzle men who lack proper guidance. For those without experience, the vagina can seem like an episode of Lost—confusing, exotic, and full of random shit like polar bears.

While you get good girlfriend props for caring about his feelings, now’s the time for you to grow some Susan B. Anthony-sized balls and tell him what you need. If you put his sexual security before your own pleasure, you’re just asking for a lifetime of mediocre oral. Accept bad oral today, and you’ll accept another woman fucking his brains out tomorrow.

Just approach the issue delicately. Don’t be too abrupt; let him begin his usual mishaps, then start to guide him. Take his hand and show him where he should place his fingers and tongue. When he gets things right, overemphasize your pleasure. If that doesn’t work, whip out a vaginal map and teach the fool a lesson—middle school sex-ed style.

As a woman who’s very in touch with my lady parts, I know the difference hitting the G-spot makes. To impress and improve my hook-ups, I’m wondering if guys have a G-spot too?

Much the way researchers like to debate the legitimacy of the Gräfenberg Spot, they love to speculate where men get the most pleasure. Of course, the head of the penis triggers major bliss, but beyond that lies something much more exciting.

Every man has what I like to call “hot zones”—little places on the body that can drive him wild. Such places include the neck, ear lobes, and the stretch of skin between the anus and ball sack.

But virtually all men find one area the most pleasurable, given they have the cojones to throw their insecurities to the wind. Prostate stimulation can provide extreme pleasure—something the gays figured out centuries ago. Calm down, bros, I’m not suggesting you stick a dick in it, but most free-minded men find a world of difference when they stick a lubricated finger in the anus and massage the gland.

For your hook-ups, prostate rubbing could be a little forward, but once you find a guy to experiment with, try it out. Bonus: you can split the cost of vibrators.

Illustration by Emily Watanabe

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