The Week: What You Missed
The New York Times claims that "the primary reason teenagers sext is to look cool and appear sexy to someone they find attractive." We think they just might be onto something. Does the same go for drexting (drunk texting)?
Monday, 3/28: In their infinite journalism wisdom, The Daily Orange published a review of the drag show that used the phrase "hot tranny mess" to describe drag show participants. Fury ensued, forcing the D.O. to issue a correction that the world "transsexual" was incorrectly used.
Whole Foods locations in NYC are installing bars inside their stores. Too bad organic quinoa makes for shitty drunk food.
Tuesday, 3/29: New research proves that saffron and ginseng improve your performance in bed. Things to add to the shopping list.
New York-style pizza, Chicago deep dish, and.... Syracuse-style pizza? The Post-Standard contests that this may have been 'Shuffles' Palermo's legacy.
Wednesday, 3/30: Michelle Obama's old neighborhood, Illinois' 1st Congressional District, is deemed the unhealthiest in America. It ranked 430th out of 436th in a new national health and well-being survey, and dead last in the "healthy behavior category." #ironic.
Hillary Clinton's top deputy is resigning from his post to accept a job as the dean of Maxwell at SU, and will begin his new job this summer. Hope he's got his Uggs and North Face ready.
Thursday, 3/31: Low levels of radiation found in U.S. milk, specifically in Spokane, Washington, and San Luis Obispo County, California. Officials from the Environmental Protection Agency say it's still safe to drink, since the radiation level is 5,000 times lower than the FDA's limit.
Crisis averted: Bronx Zoo's cobra is found, with more than 200,000 people following its Twitter account. In other escaped animal news, see TIME's top 10 zoo escapes.
And finally, under the category of things you didn't know you needed: new picture-condoms feature Gene Simmons' tongue.