What Your Pet Says About You


Photo by Chaz Delgado Recently there's been a spreading epidemic to become less basic, and it's affected how Syracuse students choose which pets they purchase to publicize on social media own. Uses for leashes are no longer restricted to dogs and children, but now bunnies and birds, in case you wanted to take your caged animal for a stroll.


Hamster/Guinea Pig

You’re predictably unpredictable. People know to not rely on you for plans because you’ll either forget, or something came up last minute. Hey, so sorry I can’t make lunch today I had to take my roommate to Health Services because she got a paper cut *lives in a single in Haven*. Your bank account fluctuates more than Syracuse’s transition weather, and this is because nearly everything you purchase is done on impulse, such as your hamster or guinea pig. Commitment is a foreign concept, which is why there weren’t too many tears shed when you found the cage door gnawed off and little wood shavings all over the floor. That little guy made his great escape three days after bringing him home. The only thing that feels emptier than his cage is waking up alone in your bed the morning after bringing a “friend” home from the bar.


You’ve got a big heart and just want someone to share it with, but only when you feel like it. The idea of a one-night-stand seems degrading and disrespectful so you’ll carry a dialogue for a few days and maybe hook up again, but anything further is “too much for you to handle right now.” You don’t want to tie yourself down because you don’t know what else is out there that you’ll be missing, so for now you’re exploring your options. In the meantime, you got a bunny.


Your therapist said owning a fish would be calming.


You hate being touched and are pretty sure you were born without the sympathy gene. But you’re not mad about it because feelings and friendships just get in the way of more important things, like finishing a Harry Potter marathon. People often don’t understand your humor, but that’s probably because they’re just…not as educated. Your pick up line at the bars is asking girls if they wanna see you feed your pet snake. It’s a work in progress…


You haven’t showered in a few weeks, and your dreads are starting to form quite nicely, just as you had intended. You always felt a deep connection with your high school art teacher who talked to herself. You enjoy playing Frisbee when you’re not getting signatures for your various petitions, or protesting something environmental. You bought a bird because you feel they’re the “most neglected of pets”. But in all honesty you didn’t really want a pet in the first place, you just felt obligated to own a living creature to enhance your image.

Or you bought a parrot to piss off your roommate.


You relate to cats because you hate most people and are uneasily amused. Owning a cat made the most sense because you wanted a real pet, but you’re too busy doing literally anything else to care for and show affection to another living creature. Your emotions are limited, so why waste them on an animal?


You’ve got enough time on your hands for a real relationship, but haven’t found the right person, so you got a dog that you could use to project your emotions. The dog as a pet is temporarily filling the void of a romantic relationship, in hopes that it will literally lead you to a real one on a nice walk through Walnut Park.


Your ex broke up with you because “you didn’t care about anybody else except for yourself.” What better way to prove him/her wrong than fostering life? So here you are, a single parent to a happy and healthy plant.