Why Communal Bathrooms Are The OG Sorority

3.BathroomFriends The singular thing freshmen in college miss most is not having to strategically plan out bathroom visits by tiptoeing around the bladder schedules of 30 or more people. And with the never ending stock of juice and soda pervasively invading our taste buds in mind, our "potty" schedules tend to prove unpredictable.

Sharing a bathroom with 0-4 people (depending on how far up you measure up on a first world scale) was what pretty much 85-90% of us were used to before landing in fresh community territory two months ago. And who are we if not fast learners, right? Once we got over the awkward cubicle encounters and impromptu nip slips, we established the sisterhood of the soaps and shampoos. The bar for music is set at a standard greater-than-or-equal-to the music at DJs and well-reputed frats. In the very first week, we rushed and pledged a certain shower cubicle that we commit to religiously. At the risk of sounding like an unhealthy fan of Friends and to gather all my thoughts into one sentence – Thigh Mega Tampon sounds like the first communal bathroom sorority we all join (Thigh Mega Tampon… Google it… or don't).

Here's why long-lasting friendships are bound to form when using communal bathrooms on a regular basis.

  • The Mornings: You can never quite forget the first moment you laid eyes on someone whose bed head look was so off point that it needed to be guided back with gentle, yet persistent pushes. However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder… all five of them, trying to forge friendships between product and hair. We’re not alone, sisters.
  • The Unintentional Advice: Literally, a pep talk on the pot. You’re in one of the cubicles, trying hard to pretend like you’re no more than a pair of feet in carpet slippers, and two girls living out one of those Chicken Soup stories enter. They engage in so much conversation that by the time you’re done peeing, you come out at least 5 IQ points more intelligent. You know how to (ab)use the latest Snapchat update, how to use the microwave for soup, and the grading rubric for Halloween costumes.
  • The Music: May all the blessings of the Lord conspire so that you be delivered to thy communal bathroom in such a manner that you do not own a waterproof smartphone or speaker, but thy showering neighbor does and thy showering neighbor doeth play some Wiz Khalifa.
  • The Parties: Or more accurately, getting ready for the parties and digging up common interests. Need the perfect Instagram caption? We got you covered. Looking for face paint or perfect eyeliner for those cat whiskers? Network your way over to the adjacent washbasin. Looking for a permanent cure for stretch marks? Have yourself some Thigh Mega Tampon ladies.
  • The Intentional Advice: For every time I have simultaneously peed and eavesdropped, there have been two more times I was legitimately part of the conversation. A lot of heart-to-hearts take place with floss in your teeth and toothpaste foaming from your mouth. I’ve gotten advice about classes, trivia about Bernie Sanders, and lots of information about body piercings.

So whoever thought rush week was our first glimpse of what life would be like in a sorority…well, you may be right, because there’s no hazing in the bathrooms and our alcohol content is limited to the FDA-regulated percentage in our perfumes. The closest we get to hazing are probably those thirty seconds of hypothermia between the moment you turn the shower off and the moment you wrap your towel around yourself. Nevertheless, communal bathrooms do educate us in the ways of the masses, Greek or not – I’ll let you in on more the next time I go undercover in bunny slippers.