5 Signs of the (Musical) Apocalypse

1. Miley Cyrus is making… art? During New York Fashion Week just a few weeks ago, Miley Cyrus unveiled her latest creative venture and it’s... baffling, to say the least. Her “Dirty Hippie” art exhibit features a number of items that look like they’ve been puked on by Lisa Frank and an art-and-crafts store. Some of these “sculptures,” all of which she made while she was high — shocking I know – include a microwave, a 5-foot bong, and yes, a dildo. Guessing functionality isn’t something Cyrus was concerned with. She might call this art, but I’ll just call it a disaster. Fortunately, reviews have not been favorable for Miley. Thank God, because if there were rave reviews, we’d definitely know the world is ending.

2. Skrillex to play New Year’s Eve at Madison Square Garden instead of Phish. Okay, so I’m sure there are plenty of EDM-obsessed people out there who are stoked about this, but as a Phish fan and a hardcore hater of Skrillex, this is an outrage. From 1994 to 1998 and then for the last four years, Phish has played at MSG for New Year’s. I attended the last two years, so I’m pretty butt-hurt about this whole thing. I guess I could hop on a plane and see Phish’s four-night New Year's run at the American Airlines Arena in Miami, but it just won’t be the same. Ultimately, I just don’t think I can live in a world where Skrillex beats out actual music.

3. Urban Outfitters is No. 1 in vinyl sales Okay, I know I said in a recent story that Urban Outfitters is a good place to get a record player, but this is shocking. Of course, this isn’t quite official, as Calvin Hollinger, Urban’s Chief Administrative Officer, made the claim that they clinched this title without supporting it with sales numbers. Urban Outfitters might be uber trendy, but save your money, people, and support local record stores, please.

4. Nicki Minaj has surpassed Michael Jackson on Billboard Hot 100. It’s true. With the release of her single “Anaconda,” the ass-tastic Nicki Minaj officially has more Billboard Hot 100 hits than the King of Pop. I love a good Nicki song as much as the next person, but seriously? Shady eye rolls will be given toward anyone who doesn’t find this horrifying.

5. Kanye West and Paul McCartney are recording together? Apparently Kanye and Paul McCartney are working together on a song called… wait for it… “Piss on My Grave.” I can only imagine what working with Paul McCartney has done for Kanye’s already enormous ego. Sir Paul, I’m not upset, I’m just… disappointed. John Lennon is probably rolling over in his grave. If this collaboration isn’t a sign of a musical apocalypse, I don’t know what is.

Art by Shawna Rabbas