How to Please Your Partner Like a Porn Star

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Print Pornography. Whether it makes you blush, cringe or gets you a lil’ excited, everyone knows a little something about porn. You might be the one consuming it (hourly, daily, whatever floats your boat really), or know someone who does. Or maybe, the only exposure you’ve had is having to close that sketchy pop-up ad on some random website. No matter your involvement, porn is a huge money-making industry.

In some way or another, despite the sexual release you might get from all your jerking off, porn does to an extent, imbed unrealistic expectations for sex. I mean, what are the odds that your pizza delivery guy is going to give you some extra "pepperoni?" Love it or hate it, here are some actual real-life sex tips you can take from the eXXXperts. Disclaimer: I’m not a crazed porn addict — I just did my research.

1. Public sex. A category of its own on most porn sites — for some, nothing gets your engine going more than having sex outside or even better, in front of an audience. While this might not be the sanest thing to do during our Syracuse winters, now that warmer weather is upon us, why not give it a go? Even better, I’ve already compiled a list of public on-campus spots where you could do the deed.

2. Hardcore. The kind of sex that is most associated with pornography, hardcore sex or, (pardon my French), fucking, is the stuff most boys (and some girls) dream of. You know how sometimes when you have an itch and nothing makes it feel better than scratching it until your skin’s all red? Take a cue from that insatiable feeling and the Fast and Furious movies and do your partner accordingly; hard, fast and furious.

3. BDSM. Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism (BDSM) has actually been around long before we even knew who the fuck Christian Grey was. In fact, it’s a common act done by many porn stars in their videos, playing both either the dominant or the submissive role. While BDSM might not be for everyone, there’s no harm in trying and starting slow. Rather than the super hardcore tied-by-a-million-metal-chains acts, try integrating simple BDSM play like blindfolding or using ice in "creative" ways. Play nice, children.

4. Role play. From enacting out the whole “Extra credit please, professor?” teacher-and-student fantasy to the stereotypical knock-on-the-door repairman/pizza delivery scene, sex scenarios like these are synonymous with (bad) porn. Rather than completely laughing them off, get inspired. Why not show up one day at your partner’s door, dressed up as a delivery person and not only deliver food but sex too? Yum, yum.

5. Putting your partner first. Most dirty videos definitely tend to focus on one person’s pleasure more than the other. For example, you have that stereotypical scene of a girl giving a guy a blow job that goes on for like 15 minutes. One thing to take away from this is the idea of putting your partner’s pleasure above yours. Rather than just rushing to climax first, take a night to fully cater to all your partner’s needs. Trust me, in time, he or she will be sure to return the favor too.

Art by Shawna Rabbas