What Your Morning After Outfit Means for the Future of Your Hookup



Ah, fall in Syracuse. Arguably the best time of the year, the weather is still warm enough for students to venture out of their dorms in the least amount of clothing possible. But, each changing leaf is a reminder of the impending winter; cuffing season is on the horizon, and students across campus are on the hunt for a warm body to cuddle up with when the tundra hits (unless you're one of those people who would rather cuff yourself.)

Finding a solid friends-with-benefits situation or nailing down a steady hookup can be more complicated than, well, simply nailing. The millennial student starter-pack of commitment-phobia and lack of communication skills means that commitment to casual sex is often too much. Thus, chaos ensues as fuckboys and fuckgirls alike search for a special someone to have sex with semi-regularly for a few months, and then eventually ignore.

It’s the peak of walk of shame — or better yet, stride of pride — season, so if you are successfully getting some then chances are you spent this morning making your way across campus rocking last night’s make-up and carrying your shoes. While you congratulate yourself on avoiding eye-contact on the bus back to main from South Campus, you may start to wonder if you will see your Prince Sort-of-Charming again. Well, the item of clothing that he gives you to wear home can give you a look into the future…

Any clothing with his organization, Greek letters, or any other type of affiliation on it.

If he’s your typical frat boy he wants to show off by giving you his letters to walk home in, effectively branding you with his ~manliness~. Or, maybe his house just had a hundred extra muscle tanks from their last philanthropy and he saw your morning departure as an opportunity to declutter his overflowing dresser drawers. Either way, it’s safe to assume that your paths may cross again soon, but only after a couple of RBV's encourage you to text him to see if he “wants his shirt back."

Favorite, super-worn sweatshirt from home.

If you go home wearing something worn-in or of any sentimental value, like a sweatshirt with your hookup’s dad’s alma mater stamped on the front, you may have stumbled upon something more – shutter – complicated than just casual sex. He is so confident in the recurring-nature of your sex-capades that he has gifted you with something he'll definitely want back. You can react in one of two ways: A) view it as a sweet gesture that could lead to a legitimate connection, or B) leave the sweatshirt on his doorstep, give a fake number, and GTFO.


Don’t get me wrong — boxers are the best; they’re comfortable and cute for drinking wine on the couch with your girlfriends or the guy whom they belong to. But, if your hookup expects you to walk home in just his boxers and the top part of whatever scandalous outfit you had on last night (a crop top if you’re lucky, a costume bra or bikini top if you’re not,) then he probably is not very attentive to your needs (in and out of bed) and cannot be relied on to deliver in the future.

Own the Dome shirt or Class of 20-Whatever t-shirt

The only somewhat viable excuse for someone to be in possession of this t-shirt is if they're currently a freshman. And even then, common sense says that it should not see the light of day. If your hookup tosses you this bright orange, passive-aggressive F-you on your way out the door, toss it right back and own last night’s outfit on your walk home. Boy bye, forever.


Maybe you snuck out without waking up your snoring match-made-in-hell, or maybe your hookup is a P.O.S. who figured you’d be fine walking a mile at 9 a.m. in your blue and orange cheerleading skirt and 'Cuse bandeau. Either way, this hookup should be left in the past from the moment you carry your shoes across his threshold, desperately FaceTiming your roommate to pick you up on the corner of Euclid.

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